Thankful

Happy New Year!  It's 2015 and we've transitioned from horses to sheep in the blink of an eye (even if Chinese New Year isn't officially until February.)

I have much too much catch up blogging to do so I won't call it that.  I'll hit the highlight reel of things I meant to write and move on.  No sense dwelling, right?

Thankful

Rhett and I had plenty of opportunity to reflect on the past year leading up to Tempest's first Thanksgiving.  Had things worked out differently - and thankfully they didn't - we were slated for a Day 6 transfer on Thanksgiving morning, 2013.  Our blastocysts simply weren't finished dividing their cells in time which is how we wound up with 7 frosties for a January 2014 transfer…and a hot mess of plummeting hormones on Thanksgiving day after stopping all injections.  That was a rough holiday and an anxious December spent waiting and waiting for January to just hurry up already.

This Thanksgiving was quiet and relaxing, despite an 11th hour oven malfunction that left us with two crockpots, the stove top, and the microwave to cook our feast.  It was staggering to think how far we'd come in just 365 days, staring at our amazing daughter who had learned to grasp a mini spatula just in time to "help out in the kitchen."

I will always cherish the time spent with my parents, just the six of us (including Oscar, of course), with nowhere to be but together.  We took Tess out on Black Friday just to get some fresh air and walk around Peddler's Village but that was it.  It was intimate and lovely.


Yuletide Progress

We'll begin with the mercifully shot-free 3 month well visit on December 19.  Tess measured in at 24 inches, 12 lbs 10 oz.  She is well on her way and making amazing leaps, including sporadic rolling over (about four times total now.)  I was not prepared for it happening this early but that's our daughter: she surprises us every day by displaying new skills she's kept secret from us.  She's only done it in front of an audience once but I'll leave the room for a moment and there she is, on her belly when I've put her down on her back.  Go figure.  She's a stealth tumbler. 

The very next morning, we loaded up the sleigh and pulled out at 5:30 AM to make it to Pittsburgh by lunch time.  The big family party was festive and overrun with exuberant children, and this year three new babies made their introductions.  Tess has two boy cousins, each three weeks apart, along with 7 older cousins whom she was finally introduced to amidst the merriment.

 Rowan (8/3), Emmett (8/29), Tempest (9/16)

I can imagine it must have been overwhelming for her to be held by so many people, big and small, but she coped fairly well.  It had been a long drive, after all, and I can't believe that she slept for more than 4 of the 6 hours, waking only to nurse (when we weren't parked at a rest stop, naturally.)

We spent an extra day at Gram's with most of the family coming back over for a Christmas open house.  I haven't seen my grandmother's home that full-to-the-brim since I was the youngest cousin running around, sneaking cookies.  It was a red letter day and I'm glad that we have those memories for Tess to cherish when she's older.

After braving the return trip on the turnpike, I started to feel that rundown oh, no...I'm getting sick feeling and sure enough, welcome Christmas cold.  This time, Tess and I got it together.  She was such a trooper to go to-ing and fro-ing with us for the next week-and-a-half, never once complaining, though the lack of sleep did catch up with her (and me) in the end.  The moment we got home, she fell asleep in her carrier and never woke up for her late-night meal.  She slept nearly 6 hours in her own crib that night.  Let the angels sing!

We spent a wonderfully foggy Christmas Eve in New Hope, followed by a Christmas morning that has set the bar so high, I shudder to think how we'll ever top it in the years to come.  After a delicious brunch, we headed to Haverford and spent Christmas night and Boxing Day among friends and family.  Oscar and Lily were shipped off to camp together and had the time of their lives, I'm sure, if their fatigue on the other side was any indicator.  I do wish Tess and I had been feeling our physical best but we made the most of our visits and the progress continued back to New Hope so we could all pile in the car at 3:15 AM to make our 4:03 Amtrak to Williamsburg, VA.

Well, that was an experience.  Nearly minus a Grandpap, who learned the hard way that the parking garage was closed at that hour, we just made the train.  It was no-frills regional rail but Business Class is the way to go for a 7 hour trip.  Leg room, proximity to restrooms and cafe car: so worth it. 

Tess became a professional traveler seemingly overnight.  She slept in her carrier until D.C. and then was as happy as could be with the rocking of the train and her freedom to nurse on demand.  Colonial Williamsburg is much as I remember it from 15 years ago.  It actually seemed bigger instead of smaller, as things do when you grow and they stay the same.  Perhaps it was because I am now a grown woman instead of a reluctant, be-costumed child, but I enjoyed the trip thoroughly.  Toting T around in her Ergobaby was a breeze and the taverns with their scrumptious seafood and fortified libations were appropriately festive.  It was wonderful to spend our third anniversary (and third year running) out of town seeing new sights.  Like my parents, we are fortunate to have a wedding date that straddles the holidays so we're never at a loss for activities.

Three days down Virginia way was perfect.  Though it would have been fun to stay through New Year's, I got my Fife and Drum fix, plus the weather had turned as frigid as it is now up north.  No, we most certainly did not stay up till Midnight on New Year's Eve, as we just arrived back at Haverford a little before 7 pm.  I barely made it through dinner but at an appropriate hour, I said my goodnights and Oscar, Tess and I passed out by 10:45.  Rhett joined us at 12:05, equally exhausted from our travels.

After a relaxing New Year's Day visit with the immediate family unit, we said our farewells to the California contingent, sad to see them go until the summer, and drove back to New Hope to meet Ken and Karen for lunch so they could meet the baby.  By 6:00 PM on January 2, home was calling.  Loudly.  Packing the sleigh to capacity, we drove off into the darkness, pleasantly surfeited on wassailing here and there for two weeks solid and so incredibly thankful to be heading home to sleep in our beds, safe and sound.

It was a blessed yuletide and one we will treasure forever -- even if we never attempt the same amount of travel in that brief time span again. 

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and goodnight!

Remember, Remember

...to blog in November.

It has been an entire month since my last entry.  For shame!  I sincerely hope this is not the new norm so I'm going to blame the holidays with their onslaught of festive gatherings and ability to suck us into a mental vacuum of what to cook/bake/buy for friends and relations.  In short, there's a lot going on.  Too many dates to keep straight and visits to plan means this writing project got pushed to the side so here's a brief recap:

November 14: Tempest's 2 month well visit.  

• 11 lbs, 1 oz
• 23.5 inches 
• three vaccines she took like a pro

Milestones

• Thumb/finger sucking (though she prefers the entire fist)
• Chuckling - I can't quite call it a giggle, as it's deep and hearty
• No more gas drops/gripe water!  Huzzah! 
• Sleeping 3-4 hours at a go with only one nighttime feeding
• Um, sleeping in her crib.  That's a biggie.  Sure, she may co-sleep after 3:00 AM but at least she starts the night out in her own room.  

On November 16, her 2 month birthday, we attended the Austell family welcome party hosted by Aunt Liz.  Tess was the belle of her ball and much to our pleasure, we learned that she shines in social situations where she is passed from person to person.  Not a peep of displeasure out of her the entire time, except when she was hungry and let the entire room know it was time to feed.  How proud we were at her debut.  So looking forward to introducing her to my family at Christmas.

Whereby we venture out...

After her vaccinations, I felt much more comfortable taking her in public in limited doses.  Our very first mother/daughter sojourn was to Barnes and Noble to do a little Christmas shopping.  She was excellent the whole time.  Lucky me, thought I.  I have one of those babies you can cart anywhere!

Wrong.

Just last week I had the brilliant idea to take a quick trip to PetsMart because Oscar was out of food.  I also had to buy 6 month size sleepers for Tess so I thought, hey, why not make it a two-fer and hit up Babies R Us, as well?

Good thing I had the presence of mind to bring the sling because this child was having NONE of that car seat.  We walk through the doors of the PetsMart and she starts yelling and then crying.  I look around, not wanting to be that mom, and pick her up.  I try to soothe her in the aisle.  Nope.  She wants more breast (which she had just had not 30 minutes ago) so I grab a bunch of dog things in my own version of Supermarket Sweep, race that empty stroller, now serving as a cart, to the checkout and apologize to the clerk for my wailing daughter who is probably upsetting the cats up for adoption, as well as the small dogs being groomed.  Now I have to somehow stuff her back in the car seat, arms flailing and red faced, and shuttle her to the car where I can nurse her in private.

So that was fun.

I wised up and popped her in the sling and she was fine.  This is not the first time I've learned that she isn't always in the mood for her stroller.  I've learned the hard way in Johnson Park, over a mile from home, with nothing but benches in the wide open to nurse on.  I have also nursed her in KOP mall, in a Mexican restaurant, at the Porterhouse in Lahaska, PA, and yes, in the car twice.  I'm not shy, thank goodness, but I don't think I was prepared for such a demanding, pint-sized public exhibitionist.  Doesn't matter to her where we are!  She's hungry N-O-W.

So that's been an education.  I'm way more oh hey, do you mind if I whip out my boob now than I ever thought I'd be.  Good times.

Meeting Santa 

We went back and forth about taking our first trip to the North Pole.  Is she too young?  Does it matter if she remembers?  It's really for us, right? In the end, we made a spur-of-the-moment decision after Thanksgiving to visit the crème de la crème of Santas at King of Prussia Mall.  We did it up Mainline style and like total nubes, we waited 90 minutes in a line of Disney proportions, only to have her fall back asleep for the duration after nursing 60 minutes in...rookie mistake.  Oh well.  The result is adorable, I must say: a sleepy little elf nestled comfortably in the crook of St. Nick's arm.

Ah, memories.  Next year, she'll probably be one of the screaming toddlers who totally loses their sh*t when they approach the big man's throne.  There was plenty of that to entertain us during the wait.

Now it's two weeks into December and I can hardly believe her 3 month birthday is next Tuesday.  Three months?!  This child is growing faster than I can blog about it.  I am looking forward to her upcoming milestones such as rolling over and sleeping through the night (maybe?).  We got extremely close last night with a full 6 hours of her sleeping in her crib.  I'm pretty sure that counts as through the night but I won't hold my breath for a repeat just yet.  I woke each time she had a nightmare or started grunting, thinking ok, this time she's really up but each time I checked on her, her eyes were firmly closed, even if her little head was wedged up against the slats of her crib.  She moves around a ton at night so I'm thinking rolling isn't too far behind...

Oscar is loving how alert little sister has become.  She now tries to look at him when he stands over her during tummy time and it's sweet to think how much mischief they are going to get into once she's on the move. 

First Cold

Well, we made it to Week 8 before our Sweet Potato caught her first cold.  It's inevitable, I know, but you can't help feeling super guilty that you couldn't keep her in a bubble with temperature controlled sterile air.  :(  Luckily she hasn't had a fever and the coughing/sneezing has been minimal.  Aside from glassy, weepy eyes and a bit more congestion than usual, her appetite is much the same and she's smiling and cooing when she's not sleeping (which is admittedly more frequent as she fights the infection.)  Oscar the owl, the baby humidifier, has come through for us and with a dash of peppermint oil, he's created a soothing sick room.  A little extra cuddling and unlimited kisses also seems to help.  I read that most babies catch 7 colds in their first year so let's hope this is as bad as it gets...

In other news, we're all looking forward to the myriad of festive occasions as we introduce Tempest to family and friends.  This means we needed some new seasonal wardrobe items for all three humans in the family. 

Men have it easy.  Babies, too.  Nursing mothers?  HA!  Hahahaha clothes in my closet are useless right now.  Useless!  Unless it's jeans/leggings or a giant tunic, it doesn't pull/zip over my boobs.  I got remeasured because I couldn't understand why I kept popping out of two of my larger nursing bras and let's just say I've crossed over into Playboy territory.  I didn't even know they made bras in this size and I certainly didn't know that I'd be wearing something that resembles an early Victorian medical harness to keep me decent.  I was always the girl with the unremarkable, appropriately sized, small-to-medium bust.  Where did these grand tetons come from?!  I'm now on the hunt for anything that comes in stretchy fabric with the perfect modest v-neckline.  Can't do turtle necks, crew necks, or boat necks without looking like I might just topple over.  Falalalala.

So there you have it: in between snot sucking with the NoseFrida and wiping the boogers out of Sweet T's eyes, I'm doing lots and lots of online browsing because nothing would suck more than subjecting myself to an actual fitting room.  :shudder:  The next hunt is for a winter cape unless I want to be walking around with unbuttoned coast all winter.

6 Week Check-Up

Somehow, inexplicably, it is November 1.  When did that happen?  I feel like we just brought our Sweet Potato home from the hospital last week.  It has been 6 full weeks today that we've been living as a family of four.  I'd say we're pretty well adjusted at this point but every day brings some new discovery or new tweak to the "routine" - a term I use loosely - that it is futile trying to be rigid in our schedule.  I'd say we have a general outline of behavior and activity and as long as everyone is sleeping a bit and eating enough, we're good to go.  Bring on the holidays!

Wednesday was my postpartum appointment so I drove the 45 minutes in rush hour to get my clean bill of health.  It was nice to see Tempest's announcement up on the (very crowded) wall of babies.

 

Can you spot it?  Hint: upper left hand side.

Seeing Dr. Garfinkel again was a nice full-circle medical experience, even if I miss Dr. Convery after seeing her pretty much weekly up to the end of pregnancy.  I showed him a picture of Tess in her skeleton costume and he laughed.  Then we talked through my options for keeping the endometriosis at bay and he decided that for me, the lowest dose combination pill will be most effective.  Usually, women in my situation who aren't actively trying to get pregnant in the next 6 months will take a progesterone only pill if they are breastfeeding but he gave me Lo Loestrin instead which is a relatively new BC pill with only 10 mg of estrogen.  The addition of the low level of estrogen will not affect my milk supply but it will be more effective, in his opinion, for preventing the regrowth of cysts or adhesions.  I asked Dr. Garfinkel what my innards looked like since he saw inside my pelvis most recently and he didn't seem terribly concerned that there had been any significant regrowth from my IVF cycle.  Yes, my ovaries are pinned behind my uterus and attached to my bowel but we knew that.  I have two sample packs of the pill that I will try for the next two months and see how things go.  Did I mention I won't get a period until I "want to have one?"  That's kind of amazing.  Fingers crossed! 

I don't go back to see the gyno (weird to say "gyno" and not "OB" now) for 3-4 months and then after that, just for my yearly pap.  It will be strange not driving up to Morristown all the time.  What will I do with myself?  This shift is as profound as they say: once the mother is declared fit and life for her resumes as normal, it's all about the baby.  You, the vessel, have healed and the primary concern becomes the little life you brought into the world.  I honestly count my blessings that I was more or less back to myself a week after giving birth.  Thank you, universe, for that bit of good fortune.  In the words of the good doctor, "You're back!  You can now do whatever you want to do."  (That's code for green lighting marital relations among other recreational activities.)  Good stuff.

In other events this week, Tess wore all four of her Halloween outfits beautifully.  She was a rock star during the seemingly endless photoshoots I subjected her and Oscar to - he was pretty amazing, as well - and now we can annoy the hell out of friends and family by posting one million photos of our gorgeous children on facebook.  

 Happy First Halloween!

Yes, the very thing I swore I'd never do, I'm doing.  I've converted to mombook, minus the incessant status updates that no one wants to read anyway, and I can't really say I'm sorry.  Like it or not, facebook is the chief mode of photo sharing in my social circle and it's certainly how my extended family stays in touch, as no one seems to pick up the phone anymore other than to text photos to each other.  A sign of the times or laziness?  Doesn't much matter but I've had to swallow my lofty ideals about not having a digital footprint for my infant daughter if I want anyone to feel like they are a part of her life and get to know her across the great chasm that is the state of Pennsylvania.  (Don't get me started on that.)

With her first major holiday behind us, we have two biggies coming up and as well as two group family introductions that will serve as debut parties for Miss Tempest.  In short, after a month-and-a-half of hibernation, we get to dress her up and show her off.  The child has no shortage of clothes or smiles, that's for sure.  Once she physically meets people, I think the online stuff will start to feel less bizarre and disconnected for me.  The bottom line is, Tess is a real live member of two families now, even if we don't see each other all that often.  I want her to form relationships that will grow into a tangible network of love and support to last a lifetime.  She'll be melting adult hearts and cooing to her older cousins in no time.   

One Year Later

I'm coming up on a significant anniversary this week.  One year ago, I began my pre-student teaching at my alma mater, Hillsborough High School. 

I had finally begun the core degree courses at Drexel then had to jump through 100 hoops to secure the placement at HHS -- but don't get me started on the field placement office or those charming individuals who work at the boro Board Office.  It had been an incredibly stressful lead up but everything worked out in the end and I got to teach with my own former English teacher.  I had him for 10th grade Honors but now he had inherited 12th grade AP Lit from my dear mentor.  Four classes of overachieving 17 and 18-year-olds later, and we were reading Hamlet together.  I only had five days in their classroom but they graciously accepted my presence there and didn't challenge my authority, even when I openly mocked the Kenneth Branagh film version (I think they agreed.) 

It was a glorious week for professional and biological triumphs.  The morning before Halloween I received the gift I'd been waiting for all month: my period!  That meant we could finally, finally start start our third and ultimately successful IVF cycle.  As I put on my spandex leggings and white puffy shirt (I was dressing as Hamlet) I wasn't thinking of anything but get to RMA first thing and wait for Nurse Anne to call back later with instructions.  Halloween in a high school is a waste of a teaching day, anyway, with all of the shenanigans and mainlining sugar with subsequent crashing. 

I remember driving to my lining check alone, full of excitement, ignoring sideways glances in the waiting room as I was dressed like a glam rock pirate, and just willing everything to look good enough to get the green light.  This time, I'd be using a new protocol -- a more complicated, invasive one -- but one I had pinned every last hope to.  Dr. Shastri loved my costume and delivered the good news that I'd be hearing from my nurse about my dosage that night.  wohoo!  Then I sped off into the darkness to grab a celebratory Starbucks breakfast, as it was 6:15 AM and I didn't have to be at school for another hour.

Hard to believe that was a full year ago.  It seems, on some days, like it just happened and then on others, when I read back through this blog or look at the living proof of this saga napping so peacefully beside me, it seems worlds away.  It's almost like it happened to someone else and I suppose in that sense, I am a different person than I was a year ago. 

After the Storm

Remember that last post about how apt our naming was?  True story.  Just as in the play for which she's named, after the storm comes new life and new love.

Our sweet little Tess has just about finished up an epic growth spurt of clingy, roaring, vomitous fun.  5-6 weeks old?  GOOD TIMES.  She's stronger than I ever thought possible for someone so small and there's a new spark in her bright grey eyes that says, "Heck yes, I'm growing.  Look out, brave new world!" Makes it all worthwhile to see her smile at me of her own volition - this is no reflex - and mimic my facial expressions with great enthusiasm.  She sucks her thumb now, grabs onto my shirt/hair/breasts with incredible force, and even makes cooing noises to the owl we have hanging on the side of her crib.  In short, a new little personality is emerging after doing battle with some epic reflux, gas pains, and general separation anxiety.  She still loves to be cuddled and kept close and yes, we do still have days where there are three outfit changes apiece for us -- even Oscar wasn't spared the splash zone -- but now that we have this night shift thing more or less down, it's getting easier. 

Believe me: some nights I really did think I was about to be shipped off to Bellevue because she just would not, could not calm down.  No amount of cuddling, soothing or freaking milk would soothe her.  ("I'm a mother, not a magician, Jim.  I canna do it, Captain!!!")  But somehow, we made it through, as new parents eventually do.  Wee Tess is still the absolute loudest infant I have ever heard.  She's Broadway bound with those pipes!  I don't know where she gets her belt voice.  Neither I nor her father were particularly vocal babies.  I see these flashes of what life with a mouthy three year old will be like and I laugh because oh baby, paybacks...I didn't really speak until I was that old. 

What's in a Name?

On her Five Week Birthday, one thing has become clear: we named her well.  Tempest.  

            A violent storm, tumult, uproar.  

That she is, or can be, even though our sweet, bright-eyed Tess makes frequent appearances.  With a set of lungs typically not seen on a 36 week-er, she defied all conventions right from the start.  She has absolutely no problem vocalizing, that’s for sure.  When she wants something, it’s Tempest in a Teapot mode.  It makes me smile because her cry is hearty and clear.  There is no wailing, no screeching or whimpering.  It’s a full-on HEY YOU GUYS I’M HUNGRY/POOPING/IN NEED OF CUDDLING and she does not desist until her needs are fulfilled.    

Conceiving her – and carrying her for nine months – was my personal tempest.  But she is here now, safe and sound.  When she’s out in public for a medical appointment, I love hearing peoples’ reactions when I tell them her name.  Usually there’s a pause and a smile followed by, “I love it,” “so beautiful,” or “how unique,” “I’ve never heard that before – what is it again?”  To be well named is a blessing.  So is her middle name.  Felicity.

            Great happiness.  Pleasing or well chosen.

She is our pride and joy.  (Sorry Oscar, you are pretty great but we picked you out of a line-up of pups.  You were well chosen, as it happens, but you did not issue from my loins.)  I have always loved the name since my days of playing with my American Girl Doll, the fire-kissed patriot, Felicity Merriman.  While our daughter is decidedly not named after a doll, I smile to think that she will one day inherit this discontinued --excuse me - retired -- treasured bit of my girlhood.  She will be able to play with Felicity just as I did and recognize that same spirit of independence in herself.  

Our happiness after the storm, a “stormy blessing,” for that is how we choose to translate her name, is the perfect distillation of her mother’s favorite play and her father’s profession.  She came in like a roll of thunder and continues to keep us on our toes.  Her actual birthday, now a month behind us, was a tempestuous September day and I will always remember the flinty, swirling gray of the clouds above 287 as we sped toward Morristown and probable delivery.  The leaves were just beginning to turn, despite the 80 degree temps, and the feeling of something portentous hung in the humid air. 
Her name captures the drama of creation and birth.  It is strong, it is melodic, it has meaning, but most of all, it suits her.