I am told this is "a thing," these little fertility-themed good luck trinkets I've subconsciously stashed around the house; in my office, in the bedroom, in the Christmas tree, even. It's as natural as, say, Oscar hoarding every single rawhide bone you give him, keeping them close without ever eating them. It's like he's willing them to multiply and that's exactly what I'm doing: willing us to multiply.
The only things I've purchased recently are some sparkly bird nests with two eggs in each. I thought they'd go well in my peacock nest on the mantle but I suppose the fact that I've constructed a nest on the mantel (this is someone who doesn't even really like birds) means I've probably been obsessing about this fertility thing. Well, duh. I just didn't expect it to be the driving inspiration for my holiday decorating but here we are.
I had some tasty egg salad for lunch. Now it's getting serious.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
The little zygotes that could
Our embryos have made it to Day 3, as far as we know. It's Monday and we only have two more days to go until we learn their fate. That sounds so weighty but it's true. I keep telling myself "no news is good news" but the sleeplessness has returned. I really do wish the lab could give daily updates. I realize that's not practical but it would be a huge relief and offer some peace of mind to every couple going through this process. Then again, on any given day there are up to 20 retrievals so that would be a whole heck of a lot of phone calls to make.
Right now, the little zygotes should be in the "cleavage" stage where they have divided from one cell into several cells, 8 or so. They look like tiny blackberries at this stage. Tomorrow they will be known as morulae (resembling Everlasting Gobstoppers) and finally, blastocysts by the time we meet them. Blastocysts kind of look like sunny side up eggs in an outer casing. If we make it to transfer, we get photos! How many kids do you know that have pictures of themselves as blastocyts in their nursery?
I'm digging into my penultimate week of fall quarter here, trying to get things lined up for "finals" which are basically a unit plan and I think a PowerPoint presentation? December 3 is my last day. It went so quickly this term. 10 weeks: whoosh!
I have no idea when winter quarter starts but I assume January 6, as that's my first day at Metuchen High School. We typically get one week off in between but this will be a welcome change for the holidays. There's a silver lining. Hopefully it will be time to enjoy our tidings of great joy.
Right now, the little zygotes should be in the "cleavage" stage where they have divided from one cell into several cells, 8 or so. They look like tiny blackberries at this stage. Tomorrow they will be known as morulae (resembling Everlasting Gobstoppers) and finally, blastocysts by the time we meet them. Blastocysts kind of look like sunny side up eggs in an outer casing. If we make it to transfer, we get photos! How many kids do you know that have pictures of themselves as blastocyts in their nursery?
I'm digging into my penultimate week of fall quarter here, trying to get things lined up for "finals" which are basically a unit plan and I think a PowerPoint presentation? December 3 is my last day. It went so quickly this term. 10 weeks: whoosh!
I have no idea when winter quarter starts but I assume January 6, as that's my first day at Metuchen High School. We typically get one week off in between but this will be a welcome change for the holidays. There's a silver lining. Hopefully it will be time to enjoy our tidings of great joy.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Not complaining, but...
Actually, I am. I am going to take a minute to throw myself a pity party because GUESS WHO HAD TO GO OUT AND BUY NEW BRAS? Me.
Why?
Oh, I went from a 34B to a 36C in like two days. That's why.
Effing progesterone. Effing prednisone. I hate them both. I would rather shoot myself in the ass with a needle than suffer these godawful suppositories for the next 9 weeks of my life. Even if this does take, I'm on them through Week 8 of pregnancy. (Seriously? Haven't I undergone enough indignities to last a lifetime?)
Imagine a Pez Dispenser from hell. Imagine inserting a giant white pill the size of a kumquat up your lady bits three times a day. Imagine having to change your extra-long panty liners at least that often as the Progest-a-pez has to leak out somewhere.
It's not pleasant. I look and feel, well, pregnant. How unfair is that? I've got a lot of respect for any woman who has made it to this stage in her IVF cycle multiple times with nothing to show for it. Woof. Let's talk hot flashes, menstrual-like cramps, facial flushing (hello, Rosacea - ain't no "glow"), fluid retention, a general sense of squishiness, cravings, tender, throbbing breasts...
And the steroids? Also fun.
OK, enough. Pity party's over.
Just wanted to say it is definitely not a picnic right now. Thank goodness I have a light week of school work. I found myself tearing up at random moments like during "Top Chef" for example. Padma wanted a second serving of Shirley's traditional Chinese New Year dumplings? Shirley got emotional and so did I. It was SO MOVING. What?
Also embarrassing: found myself gazing longingly at the tent-like sparkly maternity wear at Kohl's today. Considered buying it because I feel like it would fit me now - of course it wouldn't but it's all right there, within reach, but not just yet.
Don't ask me what I had for lunch. It involved roast beef, provolone and a ton of jus. Ew. Excuse me while I walk 15 miles now...
Why?
Oh, I went from a 34B to a 36C in like two days. That's why.
Effing progesterone. Effing prednisone. I hate them both. I would rather shoot myself in the ass with a needle than suffer these godawful suppositories for the next 9 weeks of my life. Even if this does take, I'm on them through Week 8 of pregnancy. (Seriously? Haven't I undergone enough indignities to last a lifetime?)
Imagine a Pez Dispenser from hell. Imagine inserting a giant white pill the size of a kumquat up your lady bits three times a day. Imagine having to change your extra-long panty liners at least that often as the Progest-a-pez has to leak out somewhere.
It's not pleasant. I look and feel, well, pregnant. How unfair is that? I've got a lot of respect for any woman who has made it to this stage in her IVF cycle multiple times with nothing to show for it. Woof. Let's talk hot flashes, menstrual-like cramps, facial flushing (hello, Rosacea - ain't no "glow"), fluid retention, a general sense of squishiness, cravings, tender, throbbing breasts...
And the steroids? Also fun.
OK, enough. Pity party's over.
Just wanted to say it is definitely not a picnic right now. Thank goodness I have a light week of school work. I found myself tearing up at random moments like during "Top Chef" for example. Padma wanted a second serving of Shirley's traditional Chinese New Year dumplings? Shirley got emotional and so did I. It was SO MOVING. What?
Also embarrassing: found myself gazing longingly at the tent-like sparkly maternity wear at Kohl's today. Considered buying it because I feel like it would fit me now - of course it wouldn't but it's all right there, within reach, but not just yet.
Don't ask me what I had for lunch. It involved roast beef, provolone and a ton of jus. Ew. Excuse me while I walk 15 miles now...
Eight is Enough
I'm a day behind in posting but I honestly think it's taken us this long to catch up on sleep and wrap our heads around our wonderful fertilization results! This blustery, frigid Sunday morning we have a lot to be thankful for, that's for sure. Fittingly, we were in the Wegman's parking lot about to chow down on some hormone-sanctioned sour cream doughnuts (heavenly!) when the phone rang.
It was Nurse Talia from RMA calling to tell us that 10 of our 18 eggs were fertilized and 8 of those made it to embryo stage. Eight! That's a great starting number, as we can expect to lose half of them in the next four days. (I realize that sounds quite morbid but it's a statistically sound prediction.) I'll take four blastocyts. Heck, I'll take two so long as they're healthy. It would be a dream come true to have leftover "frosties" but really our main goal is to have at least two to transfer. Who knows? If they both took, we'd be "two-for-one and done." ha!
My pal who went through this process assures me that the next four days are almost as bad as the dreaded "2ww" (two-week wait before the pregnancy test) but that no news is good news on the embryo front. If all is progressing well, we can expect a phone call by noon on Wednesday telling us how many blasts we have and what time our transfer is scheduled for on Thursday morning.
Of course there is the very real possibility that none of them make it to Day 5 which means they have arrested and are not viable or, alternatively, that they are growing but too slowly and just need a bit more time to mature. The defined window for arrested development is failure to progress over 48 hours. We'd get a phone call if this were to occur. If we have growth but it's not within our designated window of time, this would move us to a FET (frozen embryo transfer) sometime in January and we wouldn't know this till Wednesday.
So much could go wrong, it's kind of astounding that IVF is ever successful. But we've put our faith in the experts and in nature to take its course.
It was Nurse Talia from RMA calling to tell us that 10 of our 18 eggs were fertilized and 8 of those made it to embryo stage. Eight! That's a great starting number, as we can expect to lose half of them in the next four days. (I realize that sounds quite morbid but it's a statistically sound prediction.) I'll take four blastocyts. Heck, I'll take two so long as they're healthy. It would be a dream come true to have leftover "frosties" but really our main goal is to have at least two to transfer. Who knows? If they both took, we'd be "two-for-one and done." ha!
My pal who went through this process assures me that the next four days are almost as bad as the dreaded "2ww" (two-week wait before the pregnancy test) but that no news is good news on the embryo front. If all is progressing well, we can expect a phone call by noon on Wednesday telling us how many blasts we have and what time our transfer is scheduled for on Thursday morning.
Of course there is the very real possibility that none of them make it to Day 5 which means they have arrested and are not viable or, alternatively, that they are growing but too slowly and just need a bit more time to mature. The defined window for arrested development is failure to progress over 48 hours. We'd get a phone call if this were to occur. If we have growth but it's not within our designated window of time, this would move us to a FET (frozen embryo transfer) sometime in January and we wouldn't know this till Wednesday.
So much could go wrong, it's kind of astounding that IVF is ever successful. But we've put our faith in the experts and in nature to take its course.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Bountiful Harvest
I meant to write about retrieval yesterday but I felt fairly, um, "intoxicated" until about 7:00 PM. It was honestly a breeze and my drunk-like state was just the side effects of the anesthesia wearing off. I was lucky: no bleeding, no nausea, just a background headache, but no cramping or pain. Amazing! I know there are women who are doubled over for days after retrieval but I made it through with no trauma whatsoever.
Now comes the hard part: waiting. It's our favorite thing to do! We're such pros at it now.
We should get the call before noon telling us how many of my eggs fertilized. With 18 to work with, I'm not terribly worried but there is always the chance that some aren't viable and don't survive to embryo status. I had nightmares that none made it so that didn't help my sleep. Silly, I know, but we've come so far that we just want the best shot possible at making it to Thanksgiving transfer. With a starting number like ours that was completely unexpected, I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. There's nothing left to do.
The procedure itself was brief. Rhett said I was in the OR for all of 10-15 minutes and I got a pretty good look at the table and the equipment before they knocked me out. The table had a hole for my bum and the typical gyno stirrup but these were hardcore strap-you-in-with-velcro. I couldn't move at all. I wish they could just numb you and leave you awake to watch. I think it would be so cool to see your eggs getting sucked up into the incubator but I'm sure some women would absolutely flip over the size of the needle they use. It's the length of a sword but very, very thin.
Rhett says I was awake when they wheeled me back into my recovery bay but I don't remember anything before telling the nurse that I was going to Fuddrucker's for lunch. bahaha. Yeah, I don't think they hear that one very often. I went on about eggnog and tree decorating for a few minutes - no memory of this - and then Dr. Forman popped in. He held up a sign like he was judging a sporting event and said "this is your number." I remember being super confused and then it dawned on me that he was talking about eggs. 18? 18 eggs from me? Are you sure?
(Look, I got all ambitious adding photos to my posts now...)
Now we're off to Wegman's to kill the time between now and noon and probably buy a lot of festive seasonal products we don't need just because we see them. It's our weekly pilgrimage and the running joke is to sneak things into the cart and wait for the other person to pick them up and say "Really? You want to buy salted dark chocolate Marcona almonds for snacking?"
Now comes the hard part: waiting. It's our favorite thing to do! We're such pros at it now.
We should get the call before noon telling us how many of my eggs fertilized. With 18 to work with, I'm not terribly worried but there is always the chance that some aren't viable and don't survive to embryo status. I had nightmares that none made it so that didn't help my sleep. Silly, I know, but we've come so far that we just want the best shot possible at making it to Thanksgiving transfer. With a starting number like ours that was completely unexpected, I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. There's nothing left to do.
The procedure itself was brief. Rhett said I was in the OR for all of 10-15 minutes and I got a pretty good look at the table and the equipment before they knocked me out. The table had a hole for my bum and the typical gyno stirrup but these were hardcore strap-you-in-with-velcro. I couldn't move at all. I wish they could just numb you and leave you awake to watch. I think it would be so cool to see your eggs getting sucked up into the incubator but I'm sure some women would absolutely flip over the size of the needle they use. It's the length of a sword but very, very thin.
Rhett says I was awake when they wheeled me back into my recovery bay but I don't remember anything before telling the nurse that I was going to Fuddrucker's for lunch. bahaha. Yeah, I don't think they hear that one very often. I went on about eggnog and tree decorating for a few minutes - no memory of this - and then Dr. Forman popped in. He held up a sign like he was judging a sporting event and said "this is your number." I remember being super confused and then it dawned on me that he was talking about eggs. 18? 18 eggs from me? Are you sure?
Now we're off to Wegman's to kill the time between now and noon and probably buy a lot of festive seasonal products we don't need just because we see them. It's our weekly pilgrimage and the running joke is to sneak things into the cart and wait for the other person to pick them up and say "Really? You want to buy salted dark chocolate Marcona almonds for snacking?"
Friday, November 22, 2013
Go time
We made it to Friday. In 30 minutes, we'll be on our way to RMA Basking Ridge and in another three hours, I'll be wheeling my IV into the OR.
We were both up at the absurdly early hour of 4:30 - training, I guess. I took Oscar out at 5:00 and went back to bed for snuggle time. We managed to loaf around until 7:30 or so. Not too bad. Then I had the genius idea to turn on the TV and "A Baby Story" was on. Of course I watched it. Great way to get those ovaries pumping hormones, I tell ya.
No fragrance, body lotions or deodorants allowed for either of us today. Apparently eggs are quite sensitive to scent so there's a ban on all products for retrieval (and transfer, too.) I'm curious to see how swank the waiting areas are. In the regular monitoring lobby, there's a massive fish tank and three flat screen TVs spread around the room with seating for probably 50+. Since we'll finally be inducted into Club Ovum, I bet there's a nice spread for the partners waiting around. I told Rhett to pack snacks, JIC, as I take notoriously long to wake up in recovery.
Oscar is constantly at my feet this morning. I told him we were going to harvest potential brothers and sisters and he just looks at me, tail wagging, dreaming of the dog park. I'm most excited for this to be over so we have our count. Of course, the next hurdle is tomorrow when we get fertilization results but with hopefully strong-looking eggs, our chances will be good for a blastocyst or two.
Tonight I've convinced Rhett to watch "Bridget Jones's Diary" with me. Win. (That only took nearly two years of marriage.) Any night when I pick the movie is a good night. Did I mention the pan of gluten free, dairy free peanut butter brownies I made last night...? They're waiting to get in my belly. Yes, please!
Updates to come. Digits crossed.
We were both up at the absurdly early hour of 4:30 - training, I guess. I took Oscar out at 5:00 and went back to bed for snuggle time. We managed to loaf around until 7:30 or so. Not too bad. Then I had the genius idea to turn on the TV and "A Baby Story" was on. Of course I watched it. Great way to get those ovaries pumping hormones, I tell ya.
No fragrance, body lotions or deodorants allowed for either of us today. Apparently eggs are quite sensitive to scent so there's a ban on all products for retrieval (and transfer, too.) I'm curious to see how swank the waiting areas are. In the regular monitoring lobby, there's a massive fish tank and three flat screen TVs spread around the room with seating for probably 50+. Since we'll finally be inducted into Club Ovum, I bet there's a nice spread for the partners waiting around. I told Rhett to pack snacks, JIC, as I take notoriously long to wake up in recovery.
Oscar is constantly at my feet this morning. I told him we were going to harvest potential brothers and sisters and he just looks at me, tail wagging, dreaming of the dog park. I'm most excited for this to be over so we have our count. Of course, the next hurdle is tomorrow when we get fertilization results but with hopefully strong-looking eggs, our chances will be good for a blastocyst or two.
Tonight I've convinced Rhett to watch "Bridget Jones's Diary" with me. Win. (That only took nearly two years of marriage.) Any night when I pick the movie is a good night. Did I mention the pan of gluten free, dairy free peanut butter brownies I made last night...? They're waiting to get in my belly. Yes, please!
Updates to come. Digits crossed.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
12 eggs-a-laying
We've made it to Thursday - wait, it is Thursday, right? I have a tenuous grasp on everything that's transpired in the past 12 hours, that's how out of it I am. Triggering at 12:20 AM will do that to you, I guess. If we thought we'd get any sleep last night at all, we were wrong! I had to confirm with Rhett this morning as we were running out the door at 5:45 that I did indeed take my shots. No. Memory. I feel like Ingrid Bergman in "Gaslight."
Turns out things were running so slowly at RMA that we were 40 minutes late getting home, Rhett missed his train, NJ Transit was way behind schedule anyway so he just decided to work from home. Now we can both nap.
Rhett took great notes from Mel B. this morning so it looks like our count is as follows:
Lining at 7 (we're in implantation range though -- I double-checked)
Left follies
22, 25, 11, 11
Large Marge is approaching the danger zone but as long as she stays under 30 by tomorrow, it should be ok. If an egg is present in "post-mature" follicles (anything over 28 mm) it typically won't fertilize. Not a biggie, considering the haul we have on the right. Someone had to take one for the team.
Right follies
11, 24, 17, 17, 20, 20, 18, 13, 15, 18, 14
This is great! Even that 13 could be big enough at 15 mm tomorrow to produce a viable egg. The 11's are out but that's ok. 10 follicles on the right is excellent!
We have a total of 12 mature follicles. We can realistically expect half that number to be usable and half again of those that make it to embryo status to become Day 5 blastocysts. The numbers will begin to dwindle and we have to wrap our heads around that before tomorrow so there aren't any surprises. When I'm in recovery and they tell us how many viable eggs they got, I'll feel a little better. I'll feel even more at ease when we get the call Saturday telling us our fertilization results.
So many hurdles left to jump, even though this is the first big one that sets things in motion. It's daunting and so tempting to get ahead of ourselves but we're both making an effort to take it one day at a time so it's not so overwhelming.
Another migraine coming on now and then acupuncture so a restful afternoon and evening are in store.
Turns out things were running so slowly at RMA that we were 40 minutes late getting home, Rhett missed his train, NJ Transit was way behind schedule anyway so he just decided to work from home. Now we can both nap.
Rhett took great notes from Mel B. this morning so it looks like our count is as follows:
Lining at 7 (we're in implantation range though -- I double-checked)
Left follies
22, 25, 11, 11
Large Marge is approaching the danger zone but as long as she stays under 30 by tomorrow, it should be ok. If an egg is present in "post-mature" follicles (anything over 28 mm) it typically won't fertilize. Not a biggie, considering the haul we have on the right. Someone had to take one for the team.
Right follies
11, 24, 17, 17, 20, 20, 18, 13, 15, 18, 14
This is great! Even that 13 could be big enough at 15 mm tomorrow to produce a viable egg. The 11's are out but that's ok. 10 follicles on the right is excellent!
We have a total of 12 mature follicles. We can realistically expect half that number to be usable and half again of those that make it to embryo status to become Day 5 blastocysts. The numbers will begin to dwindle and we have to wrap our heads around that before tomorrow so there aren't any surprises. When I'm in recovery and they tell us how many viable eggs they got, I'll feel a little better. I'll feel even more at ease when we get the call Saturday telling us our fertilization results.
So many hurdles left to jump, even though this is the first big one that sets things in motion. It's daunting and so tempting to get ahead of ourselves but we're both making an effort to take it one day at a time so it's not so overwhelming.
Another migraine coming on now and then acupuncture so a restful afternoon and evening are in store.
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