It was so odd walking into my OB office with my almost-6-month-old and not being pregnant or recently postpartum. We weren't there to talk about the baby. It was all about me. Of course, Dr. Convery, whom I haven't seen since she discharged me from the hospital, was thrilled to see Tess again. She could not get over how big she is now compared with the skinny little peanut she met at two days old. Convery has a Frozen-obsessed 4-year-old daughter but the sight of a baby girl is enough to send any mother, even an experienced obstetrician, down memory lane. She kept saying how beautiful Tess was and how happy she seemed and to enjoy her because pretty soon I'll have a preschooler like she has.
I cannot even imagine. When I try to think of Tempest in 6 months, or a year, all I see is a taller version of my still somewhat bald baby. I can't picture her filling out and assuming a toddler's pudgy form but I know it's going to happen at some point. I'm in no rush.
The exam for us non-preggos is so fast! I had forgotten it's basically open, swipe, poke around, show me your boobs: The End. My mastitis is completely gone so that's great news. Then the conversation turned toward will this dark line on my lower abdomen ever go away? Answer: maybe. Apparently, it's variable from woman to woman and the darker your skin, the less likely it is to fade. I should be ok to that end. Mine's not even that dark anymore and I certainly got lucky dodging stretchmarks this time around...but multiple pregnancies means multiple bodily ravages so I'm not holding my breath for next time.
Next time?
Yes, Virginia. There can be a next time.
* * *
"So, are you going to stay not pregnant for a while?"
She was totally baiting me and, I'm pretty sure, already knew the answer.
Am I that obvious?
"I had a feeling I'd be seeing a lot of you in the next year," she replied.
She told me to get dressed and meet her in the consult room. I filled her in on our RMA appointment and got to ask all of my questions I've been mulling for the past few weeks. She listened intently and was characteristically measured in her responses.
I am not someone she considers to be high-risk from the outset. The placenta previa wound up resolving itself in the end. It moved from partial at 28 weeks to marginal at 35, which is rare but extremely positive for my outlook. In fact, my previa could very well have been caused by the second embryo bleeding out in the form of an SCH. Had we just transferred one, it may not have even happened. It's hard to say for sure now but it's not a red flag.
Additionally, my A-typical preeclampsia developed more or less at term and while that is, again, rare, it is decidedly less concerning than someone who develops symptoms at 28 weeks. Could it happen again? Yes, certainly now that I've had it once. But Convery wasn't all that concerned about long-term implications for chronic hypertension or anything like that because I am young, active and extremely healthy, otherwise.
In short, she doesn't see any of my complications as medically dangerous if they were to be repeated. In her own words, "we know what we're dealing with now so worst case scenario, we know how to treat you if they come up again."
The big piece of advice was to wait another few months until late summer to give my body the ideal amount of time to heal. From a medical perspective, she said 18-24 months in between children is advised because that is optimal recovery time. If we do go ahead and plan a transfer in, say, August, that would be a late spring baby. Of course, the timing depends on Tempest and her willingness to wean. I'm not pushing her.
As for the 9 months of discomfort from the rapid expansion stretching out all the fascia from previous surgeries, she said it could be completely different this time -- or not. Every pregnancy is unique. (Gee, I've heard that one before!) Not a thing I can do about my irritable uterus but there is medication for that, just as there is for the inevitable raging heartburn. I have to decide if the pain and discomfort is worth it (which, obviously, it is.)
The only "must" (or must not): do NOT transfer multiples. She made me promise not to put my body through that and of course, I told her we were aiming for a SET (single embryo transfer.) She was extremely optimistic about our chances - I kept saying "if" and she kept saying "when" - because I have already been pregnant and delivered a healthy baby.
Time will tell.
And time, naturally, brings the unexpected.
I signed no second baby contract so we're free to change our minds in the next 6 months. I did cancel that saline sono for St. Patrick's Day, though. I'll call back when I'm ready to get back on that roller coaster.
Until then, I'm going to enjoy every moment with my firstborn.
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