This is it: our last full week living on L'ambiance Court.
We have searched and worked for and dreamed of this moment for years and it's finally falling into place (with the help of some intense scheduling and forward planning.) We've lived in this town house for exactly 4.5 years today. During that time, we've gotten married, had many great adventures and our share of tense moments. I've changed careers and gotten my Masters Degree, Rhett has commuted an ungodly amount of hours to and from work each day and spent almost as much time trekking back and forth from Newark Airport, we've had many medical scares and surgeries from which I've recuperated in this house, the final one resulting in a beautiful baby girl. We brought our Oscar Wilde home to this place as well as our daughter.
When you live somewhere for almost five years, I think by default it becomes "home" even if it takes you a while to feel that way. I know my way around most of the surrounding towns now that I never would have gotten to know had I stayed at PUP. I met some incredible people student teaching in Metuchen and in classes at the gym but I never made friends. I think I can fairly speak for both of us - well, all four of us, really - when I say that we most look forward to meeting the people who will become our dear friends once we settle into life in New Providence.
Our spring was a constant parade of to-ing and fro-ing to some pretty incredible places, so much so that we blinked and here we are approaching my 29th birthday and the big move. We were so fortunate to share these adventures with Tempest from her first flight in April to Miami, to the long, long drive to Maine during which we both had raging colds, to Kiawah and Charleston in May, to Key West and Orlando in June. Travelin' Tess has earned her badge of honor, that's for sure.
I will also never forget what a trooper she was, beginning in March, when I'd load her up to spend at least half a day house hunting nearly an hour north of our current home. Our then 6.5 month old was so tolerant of the shuffling about but secretly, I think she enjoyed nebbing in other peoples' homes. We'd spend at least 2-3 days a week looking and hoping and losing faith and then cursing the absurdities of the NJ real estate market until one day while we were still in Miami, a potential home popped up on the GSMLS listings in my inbox. I nearly gasped aloud. It looked like a winner! It had to be a winner. I NEED TO SEE THIS HOUSE WHAT TIME IS OUR FLIGHT TOMORROW???
Naturally, we landed and I scheduled the showing for the very next morning so Rhett could see it with us. It was pretty darn close to perfect: it had the yard, the space, the hardwood throughout. Naturally, it lacked a decent 21st century kitchen but the bones were there. We found ourselves taking on the one project we said we absolutely did not want to take on: a kitchen renovation. But honestly, we're both pretty excited to see the finished project. (Currently knee-deep in the demo phase and waiting on the permit...)
By Cinco de Mayo, we had made an offer and by Mother's Day, we were under contract.
Speaking of Mother's Day, a little someone started saying "Mama" -- ok, more like MUUUUUMMUUUUUM -- the day after on May 11. It barely registered at first as just more babbling but when she consistently said it all day and then continued to use it almost entirely appropriately during play when she wanted my attention or when she was finished eating and wanted down, I realized that my child in fact was saying my name. We're still working on "Dada." She said it twice and both times, he missed it. Now we're onto the "ffffff" and "vvvvvv" sounds.
Since the verbal leaps, we've also gained a cruiser who can push a walker and even stand up on her own for a few seconds. Tempest is on the verge of independent steps. I can feel her straining every time she pulls herself up and turns around, one handed, to me as if to say, "Just you wait, muuuuum. You'll be chasing me in no time." She understands "no" and ignores it as she pleases, she can climb the stairs with ease, she can sort of spoon feed herself without gouging out her eye, and she can spit out food she finds distasteful or, alternatively, hand it to Oscar who is always lurking nearby. The dog is smart but the baby is smarter: she knows that if she hand feeds him her scraps, he'll be her best pal and in fact, he now allows her to climb on him with little more than a brief growl of annoyance.
We have no idea what we're in for once our belongings are actually packed up and professionally unloaded on the other end but we can safely guess that we'll have our hands full with a very curious and mobile 10 month old and an anxious pup who just wants to patrol his new fence line and make friends. Thankfully, we have almost-professional help from two people who have done this, oh, twenty-some times. I would lose my mind without them so thanks, Mom and Dad, for putting up with the circus mcgurkus. While we cannot repay the kindness, I am thankful that I have a small part in making memories for you, for me, and for Tempest when she's older. I look forward with joy to reminding her of all the Big Things she did before her first birthday.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Back to Blogging
I'm finished! I'm finished! Finally, I'm finished!
With my Masters degree, that is. Tomorrow is "graduation day," even though I won't be attending Drexel's ceremony, and I will have my M.S. in Teaching, Learning and Curriculum.
That said, I can end this nearly two-month hiatus and catch up on chronicling on our exciting whirlwind spring of travel and house hunting and more!
But that will be tomorrow...tonight, I'm still solo parentis.
With my Masters degree, that is. Tomorrow is "graduation day," even though I won't be attending Drexel's ceremony, and I will have my M.S. in Teaching, Learning and Curriculum.
That said, I can end this nearly two-month hiatus and catch up on chronicling on our exciting whirlwind spring of travel and house hunting and more!
But that will be tomorrow...tonight, I'm still solo parentis.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
7 months!
Happy seven months, baby girl!
My, how you've grown. Your personality, evident from birth, is becoming even more pronounced and nuanced with each passing day. I have enjoyed getting to know your ins and outs and likes and dislikes and I am so proud to call you mine. I wouldn't trade this time together for anything in the whole wide world. You make me laugh and you challenge me in the best possible ways. I have never known love like this before.
What a ham. That's my funny hunny. She never ceases to be effortlessly, wildly entertaining. I think I took these shots at around 6:30 AM...when she'd been up for over 3 hours. Her belly was full of milk and she was ready to start her birthday by launching off the glider but mama was a killjoy and kept scooping her up and re-setting the shot.
The second half of this year is going by much too quickly. Everyone warned us this would happen but I didn't want to believe them. In the blink of an eye, a mewling, motionless infant starts crawling and walking and talking. Growing up takes a lot of work, though. I've seen these exertions first-hand and I can testify to the ebbs and flows of sleep and teething and everything else she has to explore in the space of a day. It's a lot of stimulation to process all at once without some bumps in the road.
We have two more swim classes left before we test our skills on the first of two aquatic vacations. We've started weekly Music Together classes on Monday mornings. Our group is large, about 14 children of various ages, and their (mostly) mothers. There's one nanny and one dad. There's a boy names Ares who lives up to his name in every way. He wages war on the giant drums hiding in the corner and lets loose his wrath when prevented from running amok. There's a Hannah, a Vivian, a Margot, an Isabelle, an Isabella, a Ryan, an Abigail, an Anders, and others I can't remember. It's a nice mix of toddlers and babies and a terrifying preview of what permissive parenting looks like. Ha! Not for our daughter...no way. (Example: Ryan broke free and tried to take down the fire extinguisher while Ares and Isabella, brother and sister, fought over who could climb the stacked mats in the corner before someone noticed what they were doing.) Tempest doesn't miss a beat. She's probably storing up ideas for when she can run around during future classes.
It's nice to be out and about in the warming spring weather with her. She's at such a wonderful age for absorbing new experiences and I don't worry so much about keeping to a strict schedule with her because, let's be honest, if she gets two naps a day of at least 30-45 min, I'm fine with that. These days, I don't even feel guilty about plopping down next to her and snoozing when I can. Is it when they're toddlers that they nap for hours at a time? Yes? Please? That would be SO NICE.
Seven months and she's working her way up to scooting. She likes to grab hold of furniture now and pull herself up. She can hold it for a few moments before her legs get tired but she knows how it works and that's scary. Any day now she's going to just start moving and then there's no going back!
She's been in bed for about 20 minutes now which means I have another 20 minutes before she wakes up and realizes I'm gone. I'll quit while I'm ahead and try to catch up on school work...or DVR. Who am I kidding? DVR always wins.
My, how you've grown. Your personality, evident from birth, is becoming even more pronounced and nuanced with each passing day. I have enjoyed getting to know your ins and outs and likes and dislikes and I am so proud to call you mine. I wouldn't trade this time together for anything in the whole wide world. You make me laugh and you challenge me in the best possible ways. I have never known love like this before.
The second half of this year is going by much too quickly. Everyone warned us this would happen but I didn't want to believe them. In the blink of an eye, a mewling, motionless infant starts crawling and walking and talking. Growing up takes a lot of work, though. I've seen these exertions first-hand and I can testify to the ebbs and flows of sleep and teething and everything else she has to explore in the space of a day. It's a lot of stimulation to process all at once without some bumps in the road.
We have two more swim classes left before we test our skills on the first of two aquatic vacations. We've started weekly Music Together classes on Monday mornings. Our group is large, about 14 children of various ages, and their (mostly) mothers. There's one nanny and one dad. There's a boy names Ares who lives up to his name in every way. He wages war on the giant drums hiding in the corner and lets loose his wrath when prevented from running amok. There's a Hannah, a Vivian, a Margot, an Isabelle, an Isabella, a Ryan, an Abigail, an Anders, and others I can't remember. It's a nice mix of toddlers and babies and a terrifying preview of what permissive parenting looks like. Ha! Not for our daughter...no way. (Example: Ryan broke free and tried to take down the fire extinguisher while Ares and Isabella, brother and sister, fought over who could climb the stacked mats in the corner before someone noticed what they were doing.) Tempest doesn't miss a beat. She's probably storing up ideas for when she can run around during future classes.
It's nice to be out and about in the warming spring weather with her. She's at such a wonderful age for absorbing new experiences and I don't worry so much about keeping to a strict schedule with her because, let's be honest, if she gets two naps a day of at least 30-45 min, I'm fine with that. These days, I don't even feel guilty about plopping down next to her and snoozing when I can. Is it when they're toddlers that they nap for hours at a time? Yes? Please? That would be SO NICE.
Seven months and she's working her way up to scooting. She likes to grab hold of furniture now and pull herself up. She can hold it for a few moments before her legs get tired but she knows how it works and that's scary. Any day now she's going to just start moving and then there's no going back!
She's been in bed for about 20 minutes now which means I have another 20 minutes before she wakes up and realizes I'm gone. I'll quit while I'm ahead and try to catch up on school work...or DVR. Who am I kidding? DVR always wins.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
An Unexpected Merger
So this is news: IVF NJ has merged with RMA NJ effective March 16. We received a single page typed letter in the mail announcing this news with very little fanfare.
My initial thoughts ranged from "huh?" to "wow, good for RMA" to "oh shit."
So maybe this explains the newly exploding marketing campaign as evidenced by the radio commercial I heard the other day or the two page spread in a glossy print magazine that I saw in the nail salon. They've made some mad bank off this merger. It's a little disconcerting to see something that once had word-of-mouth cache now fairly ubiquitous, especially when it is directly correlated to making money and has the potential to affect quality of medical care .
I know we're not in-cycle now, thank goodness, but this is a huge change and having just seen Anne and Dr. Hock, the fact that neither of them mentioned a word struck me as rather odd. I was there on February 5. They definitely knew this was happening. Perhaps they were legally bound by silence until it was official? But I do find it strange that the letter we received is nowhere to be found on the RMA patient portal. There is a press release that was posted on March 18 but that's not what we got in the mail. Something about the way this was announced to past/current patients rubs me the wrong way. Am I losing sleep over it? No, but the reality is, this will affect us, should we move forward with another FET in the future.
When I stop to think about logistics, it is perplexing as to how this is going to work. Supposedly, IVF NJ patients have been absorbed into the offices of RMA, thus potentialy increasing the volume and the wait time in each RMA clinic. If you read these FAQs from the website, you'll learn that while all doctors are remaining with their current patients, it's vague about the nurses. If I were an IVF NJ-er, I'd have so many questions right now. Heck, as an RMA alum, I have many questions. I don't envy those women mid-cycle who must feel completely blindsided by this announcement, on top of all the other stresses they are dealing with along their journeys. In fact, on my infertility support community, this is a very hot topic on the local boards. IVF NJ folks have been told they have to wait up to 60 days for insurance to cover their upcoming cycles with the new RMA branding. I'd be furious! Some of these women don't have two months to spend waiting around. Granted, there's not much you can do to battle arbitrary insurance policies if that's what they're telling the new Franken-clinic.
So where does this leave us? Future uncertain. Some visceral reaction is repelling me from accepting this merger. I don't know if it's irrational because I feel some weird possessiveness of the old RMA, or what. Perhaps I associate our success with pre-merger RMA and my brain can't compute that it no longer exists as we knew it. Then again, it's not like RMA was ever intimate. You already feel like cattle at Basking Ridge and now that's simply going to be exacerbated. Hard to tell what, exactly, I'm feeling. Maybe it's more to do with taking something that is already impersonal (you know, ART in general), as biologically exacting and individualized as the protocols are, and amplifying the sense of insignificance? That seems like over-analysis.
Whatever the real reasons for my hesitation are, I'll give myself some time to absorb and to mull but I won't ignore them if they're still around in September.
My initial thoughts ranged from "huh?" to "wow, good for RMA" to "oh shit."
So maybe this explains the newly exploding marketing campaign as evidenced by the radio commercial I heard the other day or the two page spread in a glossy print magazine that I saw in the nail salon. They've made some mad bank off this merger. It's a little disconcerting to see something that once had word-of-mouth cache now fairly ubiquitous, especially when it is directly correlated to making money and has the potential to affect quality of medical care .
I know we're not in-cycle now, thank goodness, but this is a huge change and having just seen Anne and Dr. Hock, the fact that neither of them mentioned a word struck me as rather odd. I was there on February 5. They definitely knew this was happening. Perhaps they were legally bound by silence until it was official? But I do find it strange that the letter we received is nowhere to be found on the RMA patient portal. There is a press release that was posted on March 18 but that's not what we got in the mail. Something about the way this was announced to past/current patients rubs me the wrong way. Am I losing sleep over it? No, but the reality is, this will affect us, should we move forward with another FET in the future.
When I stop to think about logistics, it is perplexing as to how this is going to work. Supposedly, IVF NJ patients have been absorbed into the offices of RMA, thus potentialy increasing the volume and the wait time in each RMA clinic. If you read these FAQs from the website, you'll learn that while all doctors are remaining with their current patients, it's vague about the nurses. If I were an IVF NJ-er, I'd have so many questions right now. Heck, as an RMA alum, I have many questions. I don't envy those women mid-cycle who must feel completely blindsided by this announcement, on top of all the other stresses they are dealing with along their journeys. In fact, on my infertility support community, this is a very hot topic on the local boards. IVF NJ folks have been told they have to wait up to 60 days for insurance to cover their upcoming cycles with the new RMA branding. I'd be furious! Some of these women don't have two months to spend waiting around. Granted, there's not much you can do to battle arbitrary insurance policies if that's what they're telling the new Franken-clinic.
So where does this leave us? Future uncertain. Some visceral reaction is repelling me from accepting this merger. I don't know if it's irrational because I feel some weird possessiveness of the old RMA, or what. Perhaps I associate our success with pre-merger RMA and my brain can't compute that it no longer exists as we knew it. Then again, it's not like RMA was ever intimate. You already feel like cattle at Basking Ridge and now that's simply going to be exacerbated. Hard to tell what, exactly, I'm feeling. Maybe it's more to do with taking something that is already impersonal (you know, ART in general), as biologically exacting and individualized as the protocols are, and amplifying the sense of insignificance? That seems like over-analysis.
Whatever the real reasons for my hesitation are, I'll give myself some time to absorb and to mull but I won't ignore them if they're still around in September.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Halfway through
On March 16, Tempest Felicity Caldwell Austell turned 6 months old.
Now there's a record scratch moment for this Mama. 6 months?
My baby's first year is half over, already? I feel like we just got through the holiday whirlwind with our newborn, I blinked or took a quick nap or something, and now she's crawling and eating solid food and and sitting in high chairs in restaurants! Soon enough she'll be standing on her own and scooting and maybe even speaking in a language other than babble raspberries, along with all the other first year milestones we have yet to experience. Summer is going to be one wild ride.
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Onto the update!
At her 6 month well-visit, she weighed 16 lbs (with diaper on) and was 29.5 inches long. This child is wearing mostly 9-12 months in clothing now, depending on the brand, and continues to eat new foods with the voracity of a baby velociraptor. Watch those fingers! chomp chomp
She is a professional crawler, as of St. Patty's Day. She can stop, change direction, back up, go forward, side to side and even does this hurdler stance to achieve a seated position without assistance. One of her favorite activities is to lunge for Oscar when he comes prancing into the room. She squeals with glee and goes bear crawling after him while he deftly avoids her, sometimes seeking shelter on the furniture where he knows she can't reach him…yet. Your day is coming, pal. She will learn to stand and then nowhere will be safe! Tess also enjoys grabbing O's feet and trying to chew them. She likes his tail, as well, but he's having none of that. We always grab her hand and tell her, "gentle, Oscar" which means she's probably going to think her name is Oscar. ha!
We lowered the mattress in her crib one notch on the first day of spring (when it snowed 6 inches) because she can pull herself up and gnaw on the bars like a little beaver pup. She doesn't like not being able to see out with the snazzy new bumper installed so she's started pressing her entire body weight down on the bumper to flatten it, then she chews on the top, making grunting noises, until someone comes to pick her up. I have a feeling she's going to teach herself to stand up in there sooner rather than later for a better view. What a nebinsky!
Dining out has become much more enjoyable now that she can sit in a high chair and be mostly entertained by the new surroundings. I've learned that if I bring the Boon squeeze spoon and some puree, I don't have to order something that comes with a pickle, which, by the way, she absolutely loves. She does not appreciate having her pickle taken away before she's finished sucking every last seed out of the slimy shell. I guess there are worse things she could be eating but I try to limit her to half a pickle per outing. Nothing like a nice green salt lick for baby!
So far, she's eaten peas, carrots, sweet potato, banana, black beans, mango, cantaloupe, chia, quinoa, millet, oats, rice, apple, butternut squash, spinach, kale, blueberries, pear, avocado and enjoyed pretty much everything she's put in her mouth. Her absolute favorite is still banana pear oatmeal breakfast, homemade, steamed and blended with a bit of formula. She makes the sweetest baby bird faces and eats like its her last meal. I love it. We even do "beverage service" with a bottle to get her used to drinking while she eats. While she can't quite self-feed yet, she tries her best.
The motor skills are there but she still prefers drinking at the Breastaurant. Yeah…speaking of…that weaning thing? Not going so well. It's a slow crawl toward boob independence but I've set a new goal of having her totally off by the end of September. That way, she's not prematurely forced into something that's probably going to be fairly unpleasant for both of us and I can pace it so that more interesting, chewable foods can slowly replace mother's milk. Kid still won't take a damn bottle so I might as well wait for the good stuff like finger foods to help me out.
I won't go deep into sleep woes here. Pretty much nothing has improved from an earlier post about frequent wakings wah-wah-wah. In fact, things have gotten profoundly worse, thanks to phase 2 of teething. No pearly whites in sight but I can feel them cresting the bone. I just wish they'd hurry up and give her - and me - some relief. Maybe the Easter Bunny will offer magical teething carrots to help her cut those teeth.
In short, sleeping sucks. There. I said it. That's really all there is to say until we get this new bedtime bootcamp routine down. No more 9:30 or 10:00 PM bedtime, kiddo. You go to sleep like every other baby: when the sun is still in the sky and the clock says 7:00 PM. I'm all for taking cues from the baby but when that baby gives no cues, will not sleep ever without parental enforcement, it's time for a big change.
This is Night One. Talk to me in a week or two when the worst is behind us and I hope to be functioning at full brain capacity. Spring break! Wooohoo! That has such a different meaning now…
I uploaded all of the photos from my iPhone during this week off and took a leisurely stroll through the pictorial history of Tess. It is staggering to see the remarkable physical changes imprinted for posterity. Her face, her eyes, her hands, her smile: it's all changed but somehow unchanged. The more I get to know this little person we've created, the more I can trace behaviors back to birth or notice tendencies, now fully-realized, that make me smile. She is dramatic and wild and loving and musical. She is long and lean and agile. She is alert and inquisitive and sensitive. She is stormy, yes, but she experiences the world in a heightened sensory state, partly because she is an infant and partly because that's just Tempest. There is no doubt our daughter will be passionate and creative in whatever she sets her mind to doing in this life.
She is such a pleasant, welcome presence in my arms in the morning. I feel myself longing to hold her, even before she's awake, just so we can start our day together. The sight of her megawatt grin in the early morning light jolts my heart into beating faster like nothing else can. I melt when she lifts an arm to me, signaling, "pick me up, please!" I know these days of babyhood are short so even on the most difficult, challenging occasions, I remind myself to step back and cherish them because the next 6 months will be over before we know it.
Now there's a record scratch moment for this Mama. 6 months?
My baby's first year is half over, already? I feel like we just got through the holiday whirlwind with our newborn, I blinked or took a quick nap or something, and now she's crawling and eating solid food and and sitting in high chairs in restaurants! Soon enough she'll be standing on her own and scooting and maybe even speaking in a language other than babble raspberries, along with all the other first year milestones we have yet to experience. Summer is going to be one wild ride.
Onto the update!
At her 6 month well-visit, she weighed 16 lbs (with diaper on) and was 29.5 inches long. This child is wearing mostly 9-12 months in clothing now, depending on the brand, and continues to eat new foods with the voracity of a baby velociraptor. Watch those fingers! chomp chomp
She is a professional crawler, as of St. Patty's Day. She can stop, change direction, back up, go forward, side to side and even does this hurdler stance to achieve a seated position without assistance. One of her favorite activities is to lunge for Oscar when he comes prancing into the room. She squeals with glee and goes bear crawling after him while he deftly avoids her, sometimes seeking shelter on the furniture where he knows she can't reach him…yet. Your day is coming, pal. She will learn to stand and then nowhere will be safe! Tess also enjoys grabbing O's feet and trying to chew them. She likes his tail, as well, but he's having none of that. We always grab her hand and tell her, "gentle, Oscar" which means she's probably going to think her name is Oscar. ha!
We lowered the mattress in her crib one notch on the first day of spring (when it snowed 6 inches) because she can pull herself up and gnaw on the bars like a little beaver pup. She doesn't like not being able to see out with the snazzy new bumper installed so she's started pressing her entire body weight down on the bumper to flatten it, then she chews on the top, making grunting noises, until someone comes to pick her up. I have a feeling she's going to teach herself to stand up in there sooner rather than later for a better view. What a nebinsky!
Dining out has become much more enjoyable now that she can sit in a high chair and be mostly entertained by the new surroundings. I've learned that if I bring the Boon squeeze spoon and some puree, I don't have to order something that comes with a pickle, which, by the way, she absolutely loves. She does not appreciate having her pickle taken away before she's finished sucking every last seed out of the slimy shell. I guess there are worse things she could be eating but I try to limit her to half a pickle per outing. Nothing like a nice green salt lick for baby!
So far, she's eaten peas, carrots, sweet potato, banana, black beans, mango, cantaloupe, chia, quinoa, millet, oats, rice, apple, butternut squash, spinach, kale, blueberries, pear, avocado and enjoyed pretty much everything she's put in her mouth. Her absolute favorite is still banana pear oatmeal breakfast, homemade, steamed and blended with a bit of formula. She makes the sweetest baby bird faces and eats like its her last meal. I love it. We even do "beverage service" with a bottle to get her used to drinking while she eats. While she can't quite self-feed yet, she tries her best.
The motor skills are there but she still prefers drinking at the Breastaurant. Yeah…speaking of…that weaning thing? Not going so well. It's a slow crawl toward boob independence but I've set a new goal of having her totally off by the end of September. That way, she's not prematurely forced into something that's probably going to be fairly unpleasant for both of us and I can pace it so that more interesting, chewable foods can slowly replace mother's milk. Kid still won't take a damn bottle so I might as well wait for the good stuff like finger foods to help me out.
I won't go deep into sleep woes here. Pretty much nothing has improved from an earlier post about frequent wakings wah-wah-wah. In fact, things have gotten profoundly worse, thanks to phase 2 of teething. No pearly whites in sight but I can feel them cresting the bone. I just wish they'd hurry up and give her - and me - some relief. Maybe the Easter Bunny will offer magical teething carrots to help her cut those teeth.
In short, sleeping sucks. There. I said it. That's really all there is to say until we get this new bedtime bootcamp routine down. No more 9:30 or 10:00 PM bedtime, kiddo. You go to sleep like every other baby: when the sun is still in the sky and the clock says 7:00 PM. I'm all for taking cues from the baby but when that baby gives no cues, will not sleep ever without parental enforcement, it's time for a big change.
This is Night One. Talk to me in a week or two when the worst is behind us and I hope to be functioning at full brain capacity. Spring break! Wooohoo! That has such a different meaning now…
I uploaded all of the photos from my iPhone during this week off and took a leisurely stroll through the pictorial history of Tess. It is staggering to see the remarkable physical changes imprinted for posterity. Her face, her eyes, her hands, her smile: it's all changed but somehow unchanged. The more I get to know this little person we've created, the more I can trace behaviors back to birth or notice tendencies, now fully-realized, that make me smile. She is dramatic and wild and loving and musical. She is long and lean and agile. She is alert and inquisitive and sensitive. She is stormy, yes, but she experiences the world in a heightened sensory state, partly because she is an infant and partly because that's just Tempest. There is no doubt our daughter will be passionate and creative in whatever she sets her mind to doing in this life.
She is such a pleasant, welcome presence in my arms in the morning. I feel myself longing to hold her, even before she's awake, just so we can start our day together. The sight of her megawatt grin in the early morning light jolts my heart into beating faster like nothing else can. I melt when she lifts an arm to me, signaling, "pick me up, please!" I know these days of babyhood are short so even on the most difficult, challenging occasions, I remind myself to step back and cherish them because the next 6 months will be over before we know it.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
That's my daughter in the water
Our first official Parent and Me swim lesson this morning and you're still recovering. Sleeping, oh miracle of miracles, for a full 2 hours at this point. (The nap being the miracle -- but you are, too.)
I'd say that's a success!
Intrepid former pool manager, Nick, whom I've now learned has been replaced by an Israeli Olympic synchronized swimmer, finally managed to call me back last week to tell me the classes had already started but we could still join. Really on top of his game, that one. Mr. "don't use that GoPro in here" was already not at the top of my list so I can't say I'm sorry to see him go.
I am thrilled that Tempest took to the water today just as much as she did during her demo with Erin a month-and-a-half ago. There were two other babies; sweet Maddie, 11 months, whose mother, Jessica, was born and raised in Highland Park and is a teacher in Kendall Park, and Clara, a pudgy, adorable 7 month old with both mom and dad, Gina and Luke, in tow. There was a toddler boy who came late named Jake and he was Hanna Andersson model beautiful -- total stunner. I may have creeped his mom out starting at him. It was a pretty good-looking class, if I do say so.
The instructor's name is Ben and he also happens to be the youth swim team coach. They meet immediately before the baby class so he apologized for always having to start a bit after 11:00. This just means we get a little free playtime before the structured playtime so no complaints there. I call him Gentle Ben in my head because he's young, probably younger than me, and very sensitive and sweet with the babies. I detected a hint of hesitancy when I told him Tess was 6 months and he said that's the youngest baby he's ever had in class but when I reassured him that she loved her demo, he seemed relieved.
No screamers in this class! In fact, no tears or fussing at all during the entire 30 minutes. Maddie swallowed a ton of water on one of her dives but once she coughed it out, she was totally unfazed. Clara is a champion kicker, Jake did his own thing, mostly, away from the little ones, and Tess was just happy as could be. She loves jumping in. I hold her as she "stands" on the edge and then I send her sailing up into the air, secure in my arms, landing with a big splash feet first. She laughs her head off and kicks her legs in glee to do it over and over again. Her joy was infectious.
There's not much instructing at this age, obviously, but our job is to get our little ones comfortable in the water. Looking around, I'd say mission accomplished. The more time she spends in the pool, the easier it will be to take her to other pools and bigger bodies of water. Once Tess masters floating, she can move onto kicking like Clara and then using a noddle tied around her belly like Maddie. (We tried the noodle and failed. She just wanted to eat it, face first, in the water. ha!)
After practicing our entries, back floating, belly floating, and a variety of baby holds, we gathered in a circle for singalong time. Wait -- what? This is swim class. I tried desperately to recall the verses to some kiddie favorites but this wasn't Music Together where they give you a song book ahead of time to study. Ooof. I did my best and basically just launched Tess in the air at the appropriate parts of "The Wheels on the Bus." Duly noted for next time: learn more nursery rhymes and do not make up your own stupid lyrics.
The singing marked the official end of class but we get ten minutes of free swim after. Tess really enjoyed spinning in circles while partially submerged. At one point, I think she got a little dizzy, as her eyes went from wild delight to unfocused panic, like a kid about to puke on a thrill ride, so I slowed it down a bit. She was all smiles and squeals throughout, though.
All in all, Tess and I were in the pool for about 45 minutes. That's a good long time to make her glassy-eyed with exhaustion. I honestly thought she was going to fall asleep when I was floating her with her head against my chest. Once we got back into the women's locker room, she actually did fall asleep. As I was changing her. This was unprecedented. She woke up at home, only to feed, and then has now been out for nearly 2.5 hours. WOOHOO SWIMMING!
The physical experience of buoyancy is at once peaceful and exhilarating. I can't wait to share swim class with Rhett next Saturday. Viewing something as commonplace as a pool through my daughter's brand new eyes forces me to stop and marvel at her fearlessness and instinctual ability to hold her breath underwater without ever having experienced it outside the womb. Babies truly are a wonder.
I'll leave you with this. Tell me you can stay dry-eyed during this song and I will not believe you...
I'd say that's a success!
Intrepid former pool manager, Nick, whom I've now learned has been replaced by an Israeli Olympic synchronized swimmer, finally managed to call me back last week to tell me the classes had already started but we could still join. Really on top of his game, that one. Mr. "don't use that GoPro in here" was already not at the top of my list so I can't say I'm sorry to see him go.
I am thrilled that Tempest took to the water today just as much as she did during her demo with Erin a month-and-a-half ago. There were two other babies; sweet Maddie, 11 months, whose mother, Jessica, was born and raised in Highland Park and is a teacher in Kendall Park, and Clara, a pudgy, adorable 7 month old with both mom and dad, Gina and Luke, in tow. There was a toddler boy who came late named Jake and he was Hanna Andersson model beautiful -- total stunner. I may have creeped his mom out starting at him. It was a pretty good-looking class, if I do say so.
The instructor's name is Ben and he also happens to be the youth swim team coach. They meet immediately before the baby class so he apologized for always having to start a bit after 11:00. This just means we get a little free playtime before the structured playtime so no complaints there. I call him Gentle Ben in my head because he's young, probably younger than me, and very sensitive and sweet with the babies. I detected a hint of hesitancy when I told him Tess was 6 months and he said that's the youngest baby he's ever had in class but when I reassured him that she loved her demo, he seemed relieved.
No screamers in this class! In fact, no tears or fussing at all during the entire 30 minutes. Maddie swallowed a ton of water on one of her dives but once she coughed it out, she was totally unfazed. Clara is a champion kicker, Jake did his own thing, mostly, away from the little ones, and Tess was just happy as could be. She loves jumping in. I hold her as she "stands" on the edge and then I send her sailing up into the air, secure in my arms, landing with a big splash feet first. She laughs her head off and kicks her legs in glee to do it over and over again. Her joy was infectious.
There's not much instructing at this age, obviously, but our job is to get our little ones comfortable in the water. Looking around, I'd say mission accomplished. The more time she spends in the pool, the easier it will be to take her to other pools and bigger bodies of water. Once Tess masters floating, she can move onto kicking like Clara and then using a noddle tied around her belly like Maddie. (We tried the noodle and failed. She just wanted to eat it, face first, in the water. ha!)
After practicing our entries, back floating, belly floating, and a variety of baby holds, we gathered in a circle for singalong time. Wait -- what? This is swim class. I tried desperately to recall the verses to some kiddie favorites but this wasn't Music Together where they give you a song book ahead of time to study. Ooof. I did my best and basically just launched Tess in the air at the appropriate parts of "The Wheels on the Bus." Duly noted for next time: learn more nursery rhymes and do not make up your own stupid lyrics.
The singing marked the official end of class but we get ten minutes of free swim after. Tess really enjoyed spinning in circles while partially submerged. At one point, I think she got a little dizzy, as her eyes went from wild delight to unfocused panic, like a kid about to puke on a thrill ride, so I slowed it down a bit. She was all smiles and squeals throughout, though.
All in all, Tess and I were in the pool for about 45 minutes. That's a good long time to make her glassy-eyed with exhaustion. I honestly thought she was going to fall asleep when I was floating her with her head against my chest. Once we got back into the women's locker room, she actually did fall asleep. As I was changing her. This was unprecedented. She woke up at home, only to feed, and then has now been out for nearly 2.5 hours. WOOHOO SWIMMING!
The physical experience of buoyancy is at once peaceful and exhilarating. I can't wait to share swim class with Rhett next Saturday. Viewing something as commonplace as a pool through my daughter's brand new eyes forces me to stop and marvel at her fearlessness and instinctual ability to hold her breath underwater without ever having experienced it outside the womb. Babies truly are a wonder.
I'll leave you with this. Tell me you can stay dry-eyed during this song and I will not believe you...
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Go Ahead
Well, Tuesday was my first regular ol' annual at the gyno in I don't know how long -- years, for sure, and probably since spring of 2013 when I was first diagnosed with endo.
It was so odd walking into my OB office with my almost-6-month-old and not being pregnant or recently postpartum. We weren't there to talk about the baby. It was all about me. Of course, Dr. Convery, whom I haven't seen since she discharged me from the hospital, was thrilled to see Tess again. She could not get over how big she is now compared with the skinny little peanut she met at two days old. Convery has a Frozen-obsessed 4-year-old daughter but the sight of a baby girl is enough to send any mother, even an experienced obstetrician, down memory lane. She kept saying how beautiful Tess was and how happy she seemed and to enjoy her because pretty soon I'll have a preschooler like she has.
I cannot even imagine. When I try to think of Tempest in 6 months, or a year, all I see is a taller version of my still somewhat bald baby. I can't picture her filling out and assuming a toddler's pudgy form but I know it's going to happen at some point. I'm in no rush.
The exam for us non-preggos is so fast! I had forgotten it's basically open, swipe, poke around, show me your boobs: The End. My mastitis is completely gone so that's great news. Then the conversation turned toward will this dark line on my lower abdomen ever go away? Answer: maybe. Apparently, it's variable from woman to woman and the darker your skin, the less likely it is to fade. I should be ok to that end. Mine's not even that dark anymore and I certainly got lucky dodging stretchmarks this time around...but multiple pregnancies means multiple bodily ravages so I'm not holding my breath for next time.
Next time?
Yes, Virginia. There can be a next time.
"So, are you going to stay not pregnant for a while?"
She was totally baiting me and, I'm pretty sure, already knew the answer.
Am I that obvious?
"I had a feeling I'd be seeing a lot of you in the next year," she replied.
She told me to get dressed and meet her in the consult room. I filled her in on our RMA appointment and got to ask all of my questions I've been mulling for the past few weeks. She listened intently and was characteristically measured in her responses.
I am not someone she considers to be high-risk from the outset. The placenta previa wound up resolving itself in the end. It moved from partial at 28 weeks to marginal at 35, which is rare but extremely positive for my outlook. In fact, my previa could very well have been caused by the second embryo bleeding out in the form of an SCH. Had we just transferred one, it may not have even happened. It's hard to say for sure now but it's not a red flag.
Additionally, my A-typical preeclampsia developed more or less at term and while that is, again, rare, it is decidedly less concerning than someone who develops symptoms at 28 weeks. Could it happen again? Yes, certainly now that I've had it once. But Convery wasn't all that concerned about long-term implications for chronic hypertension or anything like that because I am young, active and extremely healthy, otherwise.
In short, she doesn't see any of my complications as medically dangerous if they were to be repeated. In her own words, "we know what we're dealing with now so worst case scenario, we know how to treat you if they come up again."
The big piece of advice was to wait another few months until late summer to give my body the ideal amount of time to heal. From a medical perspective, she said 18-24 months in between children is advised because that is optimal recovery time. If we do go ahead and plan a transfer in, say, August, that would be a late spring baby. Of course, the timing depends on Tempest and her willingness to wean. I'm not pushing her.
As for the 9 months of discomfort from the rapid expansion stretching out all the fascia from previous surgeries, she said it could be completely different this time -- or not. Every pregnancy is unique. (Gee, I've heard that one before!) Not a thing I can do about my irritable uterus but there is medication for that, just as there is for the inevitable raging heartburn. I have to decide if the pain and discomfort is worth it (which, obviously, it is.)
The only "must" (or must not): do NOT transfer multiples. She made me promise not to put my body through that and of course, I told her we were aiming for a SET (single embryo transfer.) She was extremely optimistic about our chances - I kept saying "if" and she kept saying "when" - because I have already been pregnant and delivered a healthy baby.
Time will tell.
And time, naturally, brings the unexpected.
I signed no second baby contract so we're free to change our minds in the next 6 months. I did cancel that saline sono for St. Patrick's Day, though. I'll call back when I'm ready to get back on that roller coaster.
Until then, I'm going to enjoy every moment with my firstborn.
It was so odd walking into my OB office with my almost-6-month-old and not being pregnant or recently postpartum. We weren't there to talk about the baby. It was all about me. Of course, Dr. Convery, whom I haven't seen since she discharged me from the hospital, was thrilled to see Tess again. She could not get over how big she is now compared with the skinny little peanut she met at two days old. Convery has a Frozen-obsessed 4-year-old daughter but the sight of a baby girl is enough to send any mother, even an experienced obstetrician, down memory lane. She kept saying how beautiful Tess was and how happy she seemed and to enjoy her because pretty soon I'll have a preschooler like she has.
I cannot even imagine. When I try to think of Tempest in 6 months, or a year, all I see is a taller version of my still somewhat bald baby. I can't picture her filling out and assuming a toddler's pudgy form but I know it's going to happen at some point. I'm in no rush.
The exam for us non-preggos is so fast! I had forgotten it's basically open, swipe, poke around, show me your boobs: The End. My mastitis is completely gone so that's great news. Then the conversation turned toward will this dark line on my lower abdomen ever go away? Answer: maybe. Apparently, it's variable from woman to woman and the darker your skin, the less likely it is to fade. I should be ok to that end. Mine's not even that dark anymore and I certainly got lucky dodging stretchmarks this time around...but multiple pregnancies means multiple bodily ravages so I'm not holding my breath for next time.
Next time?
Yes, Virginia. There can be a next time.
* * *
"So, are you going to stay not pregnant for a while?"
She was totally baiting me and, I'm pretty sure, already knew the answer.
Am I that obvious?
"I had a feeling I'd be seeing a lot of you in the next year," she replied.
She told me to get dressed and meet her in the consult room. I filled her in on our RMA appointment and got to ask all of my questions I've been mulling for the past few weeks. She listened intently and was characteristically measured in her responses.
I am not someone she considers to be high-risk from the outset. The placenta previa wound up resolving itself in the end. It moved from partial at 28 weeks to marginal at 35, which is rare but extremely positive for my outlook. In fact, my previa could very well have been caused by the second embryo bleeding out in the form of an SCH. Had we just transferred one, it may not have even happened. It's hard to say for sure now but it's not a red flag.
Additionally, my A-typical preeclampsia developed more or less at term and while that is, again, rare, it is decidedly less concerning than someone who develops symptoms at 28 weeks. Could it happen again? Yes, certainly now that I've had it once. But Convery wasn't all that concerned about long-term implications for chronic hypertension or anything like that because I am young, active and extremely healthy, otherwise.
In short, she doesn't see any of my complications as medically dangerous if they were to be repeated. In her own words, "we know what we're dealing with now so worst case scenario, we know how to treat you if they come up again."
The big piece of advice was to wait another few months until late summer to give my body the ideal amount of time to heal. From a medical perspective, she said 18-24 months in between children is advised because that is optimal recovery time. If we do go ahead and plan a transfer in, say, August, that would be a late spring baby. Of course, the timing depends on Tempest and her willingness to wean. I'm not pushing her.
As for the 9 months of discomfort from the rapid expansion stretching out all the fascia from previous surgeries, she said it could be completely different this time -- or not. Every pregnancy is unique. (Gee, I've heard that one before!) Not a thing I can do about my irritable uterus but there is medication for that, just as there is for the inevitable raging heartburn. I have to decide if the pain and discomfort is worth it (which, obviously, it is.)
The only "must" (or must not): do NOT transfer multiples. She made me promise not to put my body through that and of course, I told her we were aiming for a SET (single embryo transfer.) She was extremely optimistic about our chances - I kept saying "if" and she kept saying "when" - because I have already been pregnant and delivered a healthy baby.
Time will tell.
And time, naturally, brings the unexpected.
I signed no second baby contract so we're free to change our minds in the next 6 months. I did cancel that saline sono for St. Patrick's Day, though. I'll call back when I'm ready to get back on that roller coaster.
Until then, I'm going to enjoy every moment with my firstborn.
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