a very simple solution

It went on like a light bulb in my brain the minute she said it: "Why don't you just get a small storage unit so you can stop stressing?"  Gee, thanks, Ma! 

Truthfully, Rhett and I had talked about this a few weeks back but it felt silly for two people to have accumulated so much stuff that additional off-site square footage was required to keep it.  But it's a necessity if we want to be able to store things we acquire for PB that won't be used everyday/right away. 

We're completely maxed out at the moment.  This townhouse has been great for two young people just starting out but adding a third person, not to mention a dog who thinks he's a real boy, means we're bursting at the seams.  We have no basement, no useable garage because it's our substitute basement, and we've crammed as much as we possibly can into our meager closets so it's time to outsource this problem and get on with life.  I don't like feeling as though my hands are tied and coming to the realization that we have other options has helped my mood tremendously. 

I feel much better about the situation now that I've inquired into movers and local storage facilities.  It doesn't seem quite as overwhelming, now that we don't have to conjure space out of midair.  (Two nights of heartburn-induced wakefulness really didn't help the situation.)  For a simple solution, it took me a while to see it.  I've been wrapped up in coursework, planning out the summer of home improvement tasks and scheduling baby-related appointments/classes, as well as realizing that "summer" is going to be over so quickly, we won't know what hit us!  I am so very thankful that student teaching is over and after my current courses are done in June, I only have two more courses this summer before taking a medical leave in September that will last until sweet, sweet January. 

Now that I've safely packed high school away for the time being, there is a bit of a void.  I miss those kids.  I miss the daily expectations of showing up at the school and being prepared, the total, consuming work of teaching a roomful of teenagers with so much energy and so many feelings that sometimes you wonder how they function.  It was three months that I spent with them and now their lives go on, as does mine.  I miss Chris.  She was a fantastic CT.  I miss having something to focus all my mental and physical faculties on; something that was rewarding and challenging and something I was confident would turn out well.  I know I'm a good teacher.  What I am not so sure about is if I am a "happy pregnant lady."  I should be.  Gosh, we have every reason in the world to be over the moon that our first FET was a success. 

Now that I have more time to focus on being pregnant, it's almost alarming all over again to realize, oh yeah, we're actually having a baby.  Much of the burden has been my extreme guilt over my emotional reticence to get too attached to my son/daughter.  I want to be absolutely in love with this child before I give birth and I know deep down I am, though I try my best to lock those feelings away in my fortress of solitude.  It's scary to be faced with the constant unknown.  I am excited, in my own way, but I'm so very hesitant to celebrate for fear that something unpredicted could turn up and ruin everything we've worked so hard to achieve.  I don't know how IVF couples do this repeatedly.

It's one thing to have the photo of the tiny face and spine from 13.5 weeks but we go so long between appointments that it's easy to forget there's a live human being inside of me, doubly so since there's as yet no external evidence.  And if I'm being truly honest, I'm still holding my breath for the 20 week anatomy scan.  Yes, our chromosomal test results were normal but I want the heart to be strong and healthy and all physiology to be intact. 

In short, I just want to be a mother and I want Rhett to be a father.  Period.  It's so easy to get caught up in the gear and the process and what you think it will be like or comparing yourself (ill-advisedly) to other friends/family members.  But it's not about any of that.  It's about bringing someone who you've wanted desperately to meet, to life, and loving them more than you ever thought possible.