Just looking

I stopped by Target on my way home today which was a rare luxury but hey, we needed detergent and assorted household products.  Justifiable tall soy chai for the browsing!  Gotta love those Starbucks outposts inside the big red doors.

For the first time since our BFP, I allowed myself to browse maternity wear, just for kicks.  I ended up purchasing three items that will serve for the near and long term.  It felt good.  It felt, well, normal.  I could have been any other pregnant woman in that store, wondering about waistbands and bustlines and how horizontal stripes will look pulled taught over a bump. 

So I bought that fold-over horizontal striped skirt because hey, when am I ever going to wear something that so loudly proclaims "guess what? I'm PREGNANT" if not now?  It's cute.  It made me smile.  So I put it in the cart next to the butterscotch pudding, the Tide, the toilet paper and everything else.  Then I found the softest, flowiest tee-shirts and bought two of those.  They're the kind that aren't expressly maternity but will definitely be forgiving with their high-low hemline.  I've been told by my cousins not to stretch out my pre-baby clothes by attempting to wear them longer than I feasibly can while pregnant.  It's probably good advice so I'll lock that away in the coming weeks. 

It's safe to say I've graduated from "just looking" to actually purchasing items I'll most certainly need down the line.  I'm learning to be less fearful, less superstitious, and just do what moves me in the moment.  We haven't bought anything specifically for the baby yet but maybe that will be the moment when this starts to feel more real.  Oh, I've looked at onesies and breast pumps and all of that but only online.  I even picked out our MamaRoo - green - but there's still some unspoken barrier preventing me from registering and really digging into the planning.  I can't blame it on the "12 weeks" timeline entirely but I'd be lying if I said that didn't have some part in the way I feel.

If all goes well on April 8, perhaps that will open the floodgates and the shopping can begin in earnest.  I really can't say for sure what my reaction will be once we get the first trimester screening results.  No one likes to dwell on the possibility of positive test results - and I won't - but it's another milestone to check off that will find us that much closer to fine.  I'll be glad to see it in the rear-view mirror.

This baby just ate an entire flatbread so it's time for the bosu ball.  That vastly improves digestion, I've found, so I'm grateful for the discovery.