This is a milestone, of sorts, for me and PB. I'm laughing now but believe me, I was NOT laughing yesterday.
I went to acupuncture for the first time since transfer day just to clear some qi and help me sleep a bit better between the heartburn and the lower back pain. Haven't seen the woman in nearly 6 months and the first words after "hello, how are you?" are "where's your belly?" She looks me up and down and then says "Oh, you're carrying all over. That's ok. Every body is different."
GEE, THANKS. Why not go ahead and call me a heffalump straight out?
Begin rant.
Seriously, woman, you're an Eastern medicine practitioner who should know that between the 20 extra pounds of fluid I'm carrying and the pomegranate-sized baby, of course I'm going to be a bit, um, swollen. I swear, this fluid has evenly distributed all over my body, increasing my rib cage in proportion with both sets of cheeks, but has it filled out my belly? NOPE. I own several mirrors that confirm this so thank you for helpfully pointing it out to me. My D cups are grateful for your observations.
I definitely haven't wasted too much time or energy taking it to heart but I admit, it did sting a little considering the source! Apparently I have dairy and starches to blame for my back inflammation. No shit, Sherlock. But if I'm choosing to eat extra calcium in the form of yogurt/cheese/frozen treats - all for the baby, naturally :cough:cough - I probably will continue to do so, in moderation, and get on with the next three months as I have thus far: just fine.
While we're on the subject, it also bugs me that people who are relative strangers or
even worse, former colleagues, feel so free to comment on my body,
whether it's to say "oh, you don't look pregnant except for your
boobs" or "now you can enjoy not looking just fat." HA! Who says
this? (Well, that last one is a competitive snot with no social filter
so she doesn't count for much.)
Why is it that a woman's rapidly changing body is a magnet for verbal diarrhea and unsolicited anecdotes/advice? It baffles me. Would the same people ever dream of telling a man to his face, "whoa, you're getting HUGE?" Wouldn't happen. You don't see it in the tabloids (well, unless you're poor Val Kilmer) and you don't hear it in life. Hello, double standard. Thus speaketh I for all the Kim Kardashians and Jessica Simpsons who
endured months of public scrutiny about their size and pregnancies. Everyone: STFU. If you're growing a human, snarky comments should be off-limits.
End rant.
Friends and family members said this phenomenon of unintentionally rude remarks would happened so I was forewarned but now that it's occurring, seemingly daily, it is irksome to me. I can appreciate honesty and even occasional bluntness, provided I'm not stuffing my face with a sandwich or something. I don't need to hear how your daughter only gained 25 pounds total (yeah, right) or how I should be enjoying this one because the second time around, you get really big, really early. Assume much? This is a not a new subject of discussion but I realize that maybe Hilary Mantel was onto something in her LRB treatise on female bodies (specifically pregnant and royal ones) and the public gaze: http://www.lrb.co.uk/v35/n04/hilary-mantel/royal-bodies
Worth a read!
Am I being a tad dramatic? Probably. It is an extremely difficult thing to watch your body changing before your very eyes, regardless of how much you move it and bend it and try to be healthy. I'm learning to be humble in the face of genetic predestination and my own unique gestating physiology. It's not easy. I'd say this is the most difficult part of pregnancy, now that we're over the halfway hump, accepting that what was once yours - a point of pride, perhaps too much so - is now wholly responsible for growing another human being and that vanity no longer matters.
I am strong. I am fit. I am retaining ungodly amounts of water. Whatever. I am more of a physical presence now than I was in previous iterations because I am a mother now. I need space to grow this baby girl so back off, haters, and while you're at it, keep your comments to yourselves.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
Hiccups v. Martial Arts Practice
This little girl continues to complete her Jedi training in utero during yoga and the hours previously devoted to "sleeping." Anytime I'm slightly reclined or still for more than a few minutes, her little brain fires up the "let's move!" neurons and away she goes. I can finally feel a good, strong poke from the outside but we're still waiting to see visual evidence. I'm sure when my bump finally emerges from hovering over my scar that it will be easier. Supposedly the uterus is going to be the size of a soccer ball by the end of next week. Where I am stashing that, I do not know, but PB is the length of a carrot and weighs almost 11 oz in my 21st week.
Now that I've been feeling movement consistently for 9 weeks (!) I think I've got a pretty good handle on her internal rhythms. She's not food or music responsive but she does react to touch and my movement. I think I can also distinguish between kicks/punches/jabs and hiccups now. I was sitting in the class-that-wouldn't-end yesterday, lotus position on the floor, and felt a series of pops in my lower pelvis. Pretty confident those were hiccups. Hey, I did have an iced latte so maybe it was too much for her. Or perhaps she was as bored as her mother. Come on! If you're going to talk up the C-Section Video, it probably should have been filmed in the last decade with, ya know, modern technology. I learned more about 1990's maternity wear than I did about birth. Where can I get one of those delightful looking parachute jumpsuits?
Here's my baby code:
Hiccups = rhythmic, typically right below my belly button
Movement = prolonged bubble-like sensation like she's stretching (or frankly, like there's gas built up in my intestines) OR a powerful "thwack" like an internal fart
It's kind of cool that she and I are finally getting used to a mutual daily cycle in our sixth month together. It won't be long before this contained nocturnal activity becomes a crying, wet, nipple-dependent presence in our bedroom. Maybe she's just prepping me for months of 3-hour-max REM cycles but seriously, kid, I could do without the accompanying heartburn and the 12:00 and 3:00 AM wake-up calls. It's a good night if I only wake up twice and last night? Not so good. Knock it off and go play with your umbilical cord or something.
In other news, Oscar believes our new glider exists solely for his amusement.
He didn't wait for an invitation - just hopped up on my lap like, "so, what does this thing do?" When I began rocking and swiveling, he dug those paws into my thighs and held on for dear life. It was pretty funny. You are such a big baby, Oscar! Now he waits for me to situate myself at night and takes a ride or two on the Big Fun Chair. At least this way it will be broken in for PB, even if it's another 10 week wait for the ottoman. Scary to think that we could have a birthday scheduled for her by the time it arrives.
I'm practicing supplementing my lack of actual nighttime sleep with naps and it's almost that time again. Thought we were over this geriatric business but I guess not. Oh well. Pregnancy is full of surprises! And dreams of peanut busters. Mmm...peanut buster...raw oysters...spicy tuna roll...zzzzzz.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Baby goes to birth class
We're back from our Outer Banks extravaganza (read: Duck Doughnuts, all the seafood you can stuff in your face, ice cream, mini golf, long walks on the beach which by no means burn the vast calories consumed but hey, who's counting?) and real life resumes. Vacationing with three small children was certainly a change of pace but it managed to be fun and mostly relaxing. That drive is terrible, though. It's like driving to Ohio but with worse scenery!
Sunday was our first hospital-sponsored childbirth class up at Morristown Medical Center.
There are 9 other couples in our two part class, ranging from our age (mid-late 20's) into their 40's. The common thread is that it's a first baby for all of us. Because honestly, why would you subject yourself to a 2 day, 5 hour course if you've been through this before?
I've had the time to read extensively so I can't say I was surprised by any of the biological aspects of the class. I treated it like a test review. It was clear that many of the men in that room were riveted by the things happening to our bodies that they hadn't really thought about before. Their reactions kept me amused. The nurse running it was quite good in a grandmotherly, no-nonsense way. Basically, her main takeaway was "labor is intense" and "every woman is different." I felt for some of those moms in the room who looked as though she'd punted a baby goat off a cliff. I guess it's just not that scary to me because hospitals and I are now intimately acquainted.
Nurse Diane took us on a tour of the maternity ward. That was my main motivation for signing up for this class: the extended look at the facilities offered to all new parents. I wanted to be able to visualize a delivery room, the nursery, the postpartum accommodations, and most importantly, the jacuzzi, just in case. We did not get to see an OR but then again, I've been in my share so I'm sure it's pretty much the same. I'm holding out hope for a tub room but there are only 3 on the entire ward so it's first come, first serve. I will be calling them from 287 telling them to boot whoever is in there because I'm on my way!
I was surprised that the delivery rooms were tiny and dark with no windows. I hadn't really visualized giving birth in a cave. Personally, I'd love to be distracted by looking out a window but no such luck. Maybe they want you to focus and get it over with as quickly as possible so they minimize distractions. If you are lucky enough to score a tub room, they are about three times the size of the regular rooms (of which there are 18 total.) The postpartum rooms are all very clean with lots of light and a pullout couch for the partner. Morristown keeps you 2 nights minimum for vaginal birth and 3 for a c-section. That seems excessive but I'm sure they have it down to a system. There were only 2 new babies on the whole ward while we were touring. Memorial Day must not be a popular weekend to give birth. One mother had what seemed like her entire family there (no, thank you) and they brought her Dunkin' Doughnuts and crowded her room. Me? If PB falls asleep, I'd be sleeping, too.
The tour was helpful. Class could have used more mediation time (aka Nap Time!) because those chairs were damn uncomfortable. Once we got on the floor with our blankets for the last hour, I was happy. The early 90's birth clips they kept showing were pretty hilarious in that they'd freeze-frame on the most unflattering facial expressions imaginable. Those poor women! Shockingly, there was no nudity. I guess you have to watch "The Business of Being Born" for that. (You'll see lots of engorged breasts if you do, trust me.)
We learned the four acceptable positions of active labor and now I can't wait to cat/cow the heck out of Transition. Bring it on, I say. Next week we'll learn about C-sections and postpartum stuff so that should probably be a bit more helpful. All in all, I'm glad we're doing this now as a frame of reference. It reiterates how helpful yoga is for preparing the mind and body and that Jillian Michaels will continue to be my friend for my isometric strengthening. Who says you have to wet yourself each time you sneeze?
Sunday was our first hospital-sponsored childbirth class up at Morristown Medical Center.
There are 9 other couples in our two part class, ranging from our age (mid-late 20's) into their 40's. The common thread is that it's a first baby for all of us. Because honestly, why would you subject yourself to a 2 day, 5 hour course if you've been through this before?
I've had the time to read extensively so I can't say I was surprised by any of the biological aspects of the class. I treated it like a test review. It was clear that many of the men in that room were riveted by the things happening to our bodies that they hadn't really thought about before. Their reactions kept me amused. The nurse running it was quite good in a grandmotherly, no-nonsense way. Basically, her main takeaway was "labor is intense" and "every woman is different." I felt for some of those moms in the room who looked as though she'd punted a baby goat off a cliff. I guess it's just not that scary to me because hospitals and I are now intimately acquainted.
Nurse Diane took us on a tour of the maternity ward. That was my main motivation for signing up for this class: the extended look at the facilities offered to all new parents. I wanted to be able to visualize a delivery room, the nursery, the postpartum accommodations, and most importantly, the jacuzzi, just in case. We did not get to see an OR but then again, I've been in my share so I'm sure it's pretty much the same. I'm holding out hope for a tub room but there are only 3 on the entire ward so it's first come, first serve. I will be calling them from 287 telling them to boot whoever is in there because I'm on my way!
I was surprised that the delivery rooms were tiny and dark with no windows. I hadn't really visualized giving birth in a cave. Personally, I'd love to be distracted by looking out a window but no such luck. Maybe they want you to focus and get it over with as quickly as possible so they minimize distractions. If you are lucky enough to score a tub room, they are about three times the size of the regular rooms (of which there are 18 total.) The postpartum rooms are all very clean with lots of light and a pullout couch for the partner. Morristown keeps you 2 nights minimum for vaginal birth and 3 for a c-section. That seems excessive but I'm sure they have it down to a system. There were only 2 new babies on the whole ward while we were touring. Memorial Day must not be a popular weekend to give birth. One mother had what seemed like her entire family there (no, thank you) and they brought her Dunkin' Doughnuts and crowded her room. Me? If PB falls asleep, I'd be sleeping, too.
The tour was helpful. Class could have used more mediation time (aka Nap Time!) because those chairs were damn uncomfortable. Once we got on the floor with our blankets for the last hour, I was happy. The early 90's birth clips they kept showing were pretty hilarious in that they'd freeze-frame on the most unflattering facial expressions imaginable. Those poor women! Shockingly, there was no nudity. I guess you have to watch "The Business of Being Born" for that. (You'll see lots of engorged breasts if you do, trust me.)
We learned the four acceptable positions of active labor and now I can't wait to cat/cow the heck out of Transition. Bring it on, I say. Next week we'll learn about C-sections and postpartum stuff so that should probably be a bit more helpful. All in all, I'm glad we're doing this now as a frame of reference. It reiterates how helpful yoga is for preparing the mind and body and that Jillian Michaels will continue to be my friend for my isometric strengthening. Who says you have to wet yourself each time you sneeze?
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
And though she be but little...
She is fierce.
We are officially having a daughter!
PB had her first photo shoot yesterday during the anatomy scan and you can clearly see her lady bits and that sweet profile as she's reposed over my placenta. (Yes, it's still totally covering the cervix but not much we can do about that.)
It took long enough for PB to warm up to us and move her hands off of her genitals. We had to wait 15 minutes to finally sneak a peek at her pelvis. She's certainly a modest one and oh, so flexible. She spent most of the scan with her legs up over her head and her hands shot through the opening between them. All that yoga is really rubbing off on her. She's still in transverse breech position which probably has a lot to do with the placenta placement but it isn't affecting her nutrition or growth.
The tech looked at literally every minutia possible: we saw the kidneys, the four chambers of the heart, the cerebellum, the umbilical cord, the abdomen, the fingers and toes, and briefly, her lips. She was "hiding under my scar" for a good portion of the scan. Turns out my hunch about the lack of a true bump absolutely has to do with the position of my scars but in another few weeks, that should change. Ultrasounds can't accurately read through scar tissue - my uterus happens to be right under my laparotomy scar at the moment -so whenever PB would scoot down to the scar line, we lost clarity in the image of her head and face. As baby and uterus grow and begin to expand out of the pelvis, we'll have an easier time seeing facial details and by then I should be ready for fundal measurements.
The important thing is that PB is measuring on target and we are halfway through this pregnancy! We met with the third and final doctor - a very motherly Indian woman - who did warn me that unless my placenta moves by our 30 week scan in July, the official call of placenta previa will be made and we'll begin to talk C-section dates. Ah, the best laid plans...but really, that's the least of my worries. I am in great health and so is the baby. Do I look forward to yet another major abdominal surgery? Not so much but hey, C-section babies don't get cone-heads at birth!
I love that our baby girl is so active and has so much personality already. Watching her for an extended period of time was such a gift. She was throwing punches around each time the tech would try to turn her for a new angle. She looked like a little Jedi street fighter, grooving to a disco beat. Her femurs are apparently measuring quite large but the tech looked at us and said, "well, neither of you are short people." She's going to be a giantess - not a shocker. I was a hearty newborn and we all know Rhett's story so at least we don't have to be afraid of handling some delicate little flower. I'm telling you, it's all that calcium being put to good use!
Monday, May 12, 2014
Wham!
Well, PB's a little late for the Mother's Day celebration but I felt my first actual kick today. Future Rockette or Black Belt? I wouldn't be surprised by either. I'm not even 20 weeks and "wham!" - oh, hey in there. Yes, I feel you.
Some background:
I had been up since 2:45, unable to truly fall back asleep, then I was off to the dentist at 8:00 AM. After a three-hour car appointment before our upcoming vacation to replace the brakes and rotors (talk about timing!), I finally got home at 1:00 PM. I was exhausted. Why? No idea. Sitting on my butt in Starbucks, drinking Oprah chai's really took it out of me, I guess. I told Oscar I was just going to lie down for 20 minutes and that I'd take him to the park after. Just kidding. I woke up to the little kick at 3:15 PM. Whoops. Sorry, kid. I slept through your lunch. PB was not a happy camper. Immediate bagel action required.
Really, this relationship is a lot like Seymour and Audrey II (the plant from "Little Shop of Horrors.") FEEEEED ME, SEYMOUR! Constantly.
After semi-listening to a positively charming childbirth class sent to me via email by my hospital group ["these are forceps which may be used to guide the baby's head out of the birth canal"], I feel the need to stuff my face again. Excuse me. "Twoey" is calling.
Some background:
I had been up since 2:45, unable to truly fall back asleep, then I was off to the dentist at 8:00 AM. After a three-hour car appointment before our upcoming vacation to replace the brakes and rotors (talk about timing!), I finally got home at 1:00 PM. I was exhausted. Why? No idea. Sitting on my butt in Starbucks, drinking Oprah chai's really took it out of me, I guess. I told Oscar I was just going to lie down for 20 minutes and that I'd take him to the park after. Just kidding. I woke up to the little kick at 3:15 PM. Whoops. Sorry, kid. I slept through your lunch. PB was not a happy camper. Immediate bagel action required.
Really, this relationship is a lot like Seymour and Audrey II (the plant from "Little Shop of Horrors.") FEEEEED ME, SEYMOUR! Constantly.
After semi-listening to a positively charming childbirth class sent to me via email by my hospital group ["these are forceps which may be used to guide the baby's head out of the birth canal"], I feel the need to stuff my face again. Excuse me. "Twoey" is calling.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Check that off the list
Moving was a breeze. The crew was in and out in 2.5 hours and the 10x10 storage unit was exactly the right size.
We managed to empty out the entire guestroom as well as 35 plastic bins and assorted boxes, including half of the contents of our garage into this space. I am pleased. The new project has two stages. First phase: organize the remaining items in the garage and create a space for large baby items that may stay in boxes for a while.
Phase two is the fun part: begin planning the nursery. Essentials such as the crib and dresser have been ordered but we're limited in terms of piecing it together until after the hardwood floors are installed, which of course backs up on the bathroom renovation. I cannot wait to see this bathroom. I'm way too excited for this facelift but I think that's because it's my first HGTV-worthy project and wouldn't it be nice if the Property Bros. showed up and offered to do our master, too? ha!
The next stages are going to happen in quick succession so planning is key. I feel like I have a handle on everything now that I can visualize room to breathe! Here's a sneak peek at PB's nursery, sans assembled furniture, as well as a paint test.
No one could accuse us of being afraid of color, that's for sure! It's called "orange slice" and it's just this side of Nickelodeon but I love it. Supposedly orange increases appetite but with an infant, that's a plus. The more milk, the merrier.
We managed to empty out the entire guestroom as well as 35 plastic bins and assorted boxes, including half of the contents of our garage into this space. I am pleased. The new project has two stages. First phase: organize the remaining items in the garage and create a space for large baby items that may stay in boxes for a while.
Phase two is the fun part: begin planning the nursery. Essentials such as the crib and dresser have been ordered but we're limited in terms of piecing it together until after the hardwood floors are installed, which of course backs up on the bathroom renovation. I cannot wait to see this bathroom. I'm way too excited for this facelift but I think that's because it's my first HGTV-worthy project and wouldn't it be nice if the Property Bros. showed up and offered to do our master, too? ha!
The next stages are going to happen in quick succession so planning is key. I feel like I have a handle on everything now that I can visualize room to breathe! Here's a sneak peek at PB's nursery, sans assembled furniture, as well as a paint test.
No one could accuse us of being afraid of color, that's for sure! It's called "orange slice" and it's just this side of Nickelodeon but I love it. Supposedly orange increases appetite but with an infant, that's a plus. The more milk, the merrier.
Friday, May 2, 2014
May Day and we're on our way
Yesterday, we made an unplanned visit to the OB. I had been having some intense cramping and fresh spotting which are all red flags, given the placenta placement, so to be safe I called in my symptoms. I have learned that it's better to have peace of mind than worry for days not knowing if everything is going to be okay. That doesn't make me paranoid or nervous but my reality of IVF and ensuing complications has taught me to advocate for when I just know something feels "off."
The receptionist got me in right away with Dr. Convery (who is quickly becoming our favored delivery choice) and I had a full exam and quick ultrasound. Sure enough, there was a ton of old blood inside that was visible to the naked eye. This could be the same SCH irritation from January that keeps reopening as the uterus stretches. The next two weeks are a particularly big growth spurt for the baby and for my uterus so that could explain why I had such menstrual-like cramps as the placenta, which is still covering the cervix, has to stretch and grow.
There was a very pale spot on the u/ss - which indicates a fresh bleed - but it was small and Dr. Convery said all of the uterine stretching could have irritated it but that it should resolve on its own. The baby is doing just fine, the fluid looks good and my cervix is closed, so all is well. PB was sitting in breech lotus position, directly over my cervix. We got a little wave but that was it. No showoff somersaults this time. PB wanted to meditate undisturbed. I'm still on pelvic rest (and realistically, probably will be for the remainder of this pregnancy.) Yoga is fine - the baby is already learning Savasana! - but no high-impact sports or classes. I have figured out that when I start to feel cramps, I lie on the bed and put my feet up and in a few hours, I feel completely better. It's the learning to listen to my body and slow down that has actually gotten easier with my guided meditations from class. I also bought some hippy birthing book about being mindful but whenever I read it in the tub, I start to nod off. Maybe that's the point?
We scheduled our anatomy scan and have to call for the Fetal EKG for late June. This next scan is the halfway point for this pregnancy! Babies born after 36 weeks are considered full-term. It's a little strange to think that after this appointment, we probably won't have another ultrasound till 28 weeks. That's the longest stretch yet without visuals but at least in the later second and third trimesters, you have a rapidly expanding belly and can feel some forceful fetal movements.
Speaking of bellies and movements, although I've been feeling PB flutter about since around 12 weeks, it's gotten stronger and more frequent. I even felt a distinct tapping today when I was working on some assignments for school. It feels like a little pulse right above my scar. There is certainly a small but more permanent protrusion at my bikini line (finally) so that's something. 17 weeks, kid. It's about time! I can proudly say that in the shower, I finally look pregnant.
It's going to be a busy May but Foetus is brewing strong and we can't wait to clear out the nursery and celebrate with a little Outer Banks beach break.
The receptionist got me in right away with Dr. Convery (who is quickly becoming our favored delivery choice) and I had a full exam and quick ultrasound. Sure enough, there was a ton of old blood inside that was visible to the naked eye. This could be the same SCH irritation from January that keeps reopening as the uterus stretches. The next two weeks are a particularly big growth spurt for the baby and for my uterus so that could explain why I had such menstrual-like cramps as the placenta, which is still covering the cervix, has to stretch and grow.
There was a very pale spot on the u/ss - which indicates a fresh bleed - but it was small and Dr. Convery said all of the uterine stretching could have irritated it but that it should resolve on its own. The baby is doing just fine, the fluid looks good and my cervix is closed, so all is well. PB was sitting in breech lotus position, directly over my cervix. We got a little wave but that was it. No showoff somersaults this time. PB wanted to meditate undisturbed. I'm still on pelvic rest (and realistically, probably will be for the remainder of this pregnancy.) Yoga is fine - the baby is already learning Savasana! - but no high-impact sports or classes. I have figured out that when I start to feel cramps, I lie on the bed and put my feet up and in a few hours, I feel completely better. It's the learning to listen to my body and slow down that has actually gotten easier with my guided meditations from class. I also bought some hippy birthing book about being mindful but whenever I read it in the tub, I start to nod off. Maybe that's the point?
We scheduled our anatomy scan and have to call for the Fetal EKG for late June. This next scan is the halfway point for this pregnancy! Babies born after 36 weeks are considered full-term. It's a little strange to think that after this appointment, we probably won't have another ultrasound till 28 weeks. That's the longest stretch yet without visuals but at least in the later second and third trimesters, you have a rapidly expanding belly and can feel some forceful fetal movements.
Speaking of bellies and movements, although I've been feeling PB flutter about since around 12 weeks, it's gotten stronger and more frequent. I even felt a distinct tapping today when I was working on some assignments for school. It feels like a little pulse right above my scar. There is certainly a small but more permanent protrusion at my bikini line (finally) so that's something. 17 weeks, kid. It's about time! I can proudly say that in the shower, I finally look pregnant.
It's going to be a busy May but Foetus is brewing strong and we can't wait to clear out the nursery and celebrate with a little Outer Banks beach break.
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