Hallelujah!

It's Saturday morning, the sun is shining, and we are giddy with delight after my scan/bloodwork.  I now have 7 follicles growing, two of which are notiecably larger than they were on Tuesday.  One is already at 12 mm and the other is 14 mm.  They need to be at least 10 mm to be "measurable" and over 18 mm to make it to retrieval so we're almost there!  Dr. Hock was so happy she hugged me. 

It's safe to say no one in that exam room knew quite what to expect this round but there are healthy follicles growing at a rapid rate and even multiplying only four days into stims.  That's fantastic news for someone previously labeled a poor responder...it was almost too good to be true and I think Rhett and I went from shock to awe and back again.

While en route to Wegman's (our traditional Saturday morning outing) I got the call from the RMA lab in record time with my bw results.  My E2 is now 663.  Wait - come again?  Six-hundred?  That's incredible.  I had to listen to the message twice.  I started out the week at a dismal 54 and was feeling pretty shitty about that.  They want you well into the thousands by retrieval and it looks like I just might make it there after all.  Are we sure they didn't mix up my labs? 

Naturally, I'm trying to contain my excitement - we both are -  just because we know what it is to come crashing back down to earth after high, high hopes.  But I finally feel something this morning, something better than fear or anxiety: I feel in control.  I feel like I'm actually contributing to this process instead of holding us back.  I feel like the demons of the summer may be far enough behind us that I can look forward to getting back on this bucking bronco of a cycle and ride it out. 

Just seeing those would-be eggs, my lovely little follicles on the u/s screen, reminds me why we're doing this.  They are there and they are growing, even if I can't feel them.  It's hard to keep reminding yourself that everyone feels this way at some point going through IVF, that there's nothing abnormal about feeling disconnected or down on yourself because you're not producing the volume or quality you thought you were biologically entitled to.  Looking at that screen, you can see something tangible that's worth all the ups and downs and uncertainty.  That's enough to hold onto for another two days until we go back on Monday morning for some more good news.